Chasing Dreams
by Vyktourya
Summary: Rated M for sex, language, and creepiness. Roy and Riza were at the height of summer love with he ended. Now, years later, he wants it all back, but she's forgotten everything. Is love strong enough to break the spell of an evil renegade alchemist?
1. Here Is Gone

Summary: The unthinkable is about to happen, the Gate will be reopened, and old friends will die, while older friends will come back to life. If there was ever a time that Roy Mustang needed Riza Hawkeye, now was that time. Too bad she's busy getting her brain drained by an undead heiress and a zombified Crimson Alchemist. Can Roy save Riza before it's too late? I hope so! Will Riza find a way to bring Hughes back? I hope so! Will Winry crack and open the gate? I hope so! Will there be lemon in later chapters? Well…maybe! (Hehe, this is the worst summary ever!)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything FMA related. I own an imagination and two hands that type.

A/N: I'm adding song lyrics to each chapter because I think it sets the mood and I can do whatever I want. Please review for me. It'll make me happy. Also this is based off the anime after the movie. Just so ya know!

* * *

"You and I got something / But it's all and then it's nothing to me / And I got my defenses / When it comes to your intentions for me / And we wake up in the breakdown / Of the things we never thought we could be

* * *

Central

* * *

Gun after gun was loaded into the cardboard boxes. Mustang took a moment to realize just how serious his now ex-lieutenant was about her job, while she, Riza, sat in awe for the last time of just how nonchalant he had been about his. Blank paper work had been crammed into any and every crevice of the small office that had been once shared by Colonel Roy Mustang and Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Mustang was now Fuhrer and his second hand woman was leaving the military for good. The thought of her having a life outside of protecting him was a joke to say the least. He doubted she owned clothes besides her mandatory uniform, he doubted she had plans other than battle strategies, and he highly doubted she knew other men besides her fellow comrades of the military.

There was a combination of just the right words that Riza needed to hear to convince her to stay, but Roy was no mind reader. "We'll still need you," Roy stated in his cool deep voice. "_I'll_ still need you," he stated with the same tone.

Riza knew that both statements were true. Mustang was too careless not to need protection and the others were too dimwitted most of the time to not need her guidance. But, it was time for her to go out and try living a normal life. If everyday unskilled civilians could do it, then surely she could do it. Riza sighed sympathetically, "Sorry, Roy, but I think it's time for me to relax a little."

"We'll miss you," Roy said while leaning against the now empty oak desk.

"I know you, Fuhrer Roy Mustang. You'll miss me right up until you hire some new blonde secretary with…big eyes, then you'll forget all about me." Riza was half joking. She knew he would probably never get around to hiring a new secretary, but if he did, she described the new girl perfectly.

"Where will you go?"

Riza picked up one of the last boxes and placed it under her arm. Empty rooms always seemed larger, and the space she was intentionally putting between her and her ex-commander was only making the vast environment grow even more immense. She knew if she didn't leave Roy while there was still time, she never would, and she would have to relive all that emotional agony and torture. She could never touch Roy Mustang. She could never kiss him, never wrap her arms around him, and most of all, she could never tell him how much she loved him. Those were the rules, and they had proved to be for the best. For Riza knew that if she ever confessed her feelings and she lost him, it would be impossible to recover. That's why her new plans seemed perfect. They took her to a place that was too far for her to ever come crawling back to him. Riza repositioned her box a little and answered, "I have been invited to help manage an automail shop with Winry on an island thirty miles out from the eastern coast."

Roy rolled his eyes. Being with Winry meant having Elric-size adventures, a can of worms that caused unexplainable complications when opened. Winry had become the perfect replacement for the brothers. She just couldn't sit still knowing there were adventures still to be had with no half metal blonde to have them. "Well, at least you'll be safe. What am I saying? With Winry around, you'll be back to body guarding in the blink of an eye."

"Or maybe you'll do such a tremendous job as Fuhrer that there won't be any need to protect anyone." It was obvious that Riza was trying her hardest to reassure a crumbling Fuhrer. Usually Riza would shoot down Roy with stinging comments about how without her around paperwork will suffocate him, phone calls will give him premature grays, and Havoc accidents will drive him to suicide.

There was a lingering awkward pause between them. In an un-Riza-like manner, she left her eyes cast down at the floor, and in an un-Roy-like manner, Roy blushed uncontrollably. In an attempt to break the ice, Roy picked up the last two boxes and asked, "This everything?" Riza nodded silently. "Being that this is our last time together in this room, would it be un-Fuhrer of me to ask for farewell hug?" Riza shook her head no and set her box down. As she took a step forward, Roy realized his invite was welcomed, dropped his two boxes to the floor without a second thought, and ran to her with his arms wide open. It wasn't the hug he had wanted to give her. It wasn't a sensual lover's hug. It was more like the hug a father would give his daughter before going off to college. He wrapped both arms around her so tightly that Riza could feel the air being rushed out of her lungs. Riza tried hard to hug him back, but all she managed was two palms placed lightly against his sides. "I'm gonna miss you, Hawkeye. I…um…don't wanna spoil the moment or anything, but…I lost Hughes, I don't wanna lose you. Be careful out there."

The very thought of the loss of Hughes immediately caused Roy to hug tighter and a tear to swell in Riza's eye. No amount of time was enough to erase the thought of their beloved fallen comrade.

At that very moment Riza had been reminded of her dreams. For the last two weeks, Riza had met with Hughes in her dreams. He spoke to her as if he had never left. The conversation was the same every time. Riza explained her days to him, and he answered as if he had been there himself. Riza attributed it to her memory of Hughes being so vibrant that she knew how he would respond, but something seemed so real about this dreams. She hoped that once the stress of being a military dog was put aside, the dreams would come to an end. A part of Riza wanted those dreams to remain, but she knew they were unhealthy.

* * *

I'm not the one who broke you / I'm not the one you should fear / What do you got to move you darling / I thought I lost you somewhere / But you were never really ever there at all

* * *

The Rockwell Residence

* * *

"Thank you for stopping by Mr. Kimblee. I appreciate your help. Tomorrow we'll have to talk more," Winry said to what appeared to be a customer as Riza entered. Riza caught eyes with him as he left. He was so familiar. The name Kimblee stung her ears, but she could not put a finger on where she had seen him. "Mr. Kimblee, this is Riza. She's a friend of mine who has come to stay with me for a while." 

"Will she be helping you with your research?" Mr. Kimblee asked.

Before Riza could inquire as to what exactly Winry's research was, Winry stepped in front of her and said, "Oh, no, no, no, Riza will be much too busy with her own work. She doesn't have time to get into the senseless ramblings of a deranged lunatic like myself."

Mr. Kimblee laughed along to Winry's embarrassment. "If you're a deranged lunatic, what's that make me." Mr. Kimblee tipped his hat to Riza, "Nice meeting you, Miss Riza, perhaps I shall see you around."

Riza was still caught in a daze. Those sly eyes and that cocky grin were so familiar, and yet she knew that she had never met him. Maybe she just missed her Mustang so much that she was jumping at the chance to replace him with the first dark haired arrogant man she came across. "Perhaps. Nice meeting you Mr. Kimblee." The stranger left the shop, shutting the rickety wicker screen door behind him. "Is there something I should know? What research?"

The boxes under Riza's arms were snatched quickly from her. It was obvious that Winry was trying her hardest to avoid the subject by getting her hands busy, but the holes that Riza's eyes were burning into her back were enough to get Winry talking. "The man who was just here, his name is Zolf J. Kimblee. I met him a month ago. He asked me for directions to some estate across the bay. He noticed the photo of Ed and Al in the den, and…I dunno, I just spilled!"

Riza followed Winry as she paced back and forth, trying to justify her story as she retold it. "Spilled what exactly?"

"Everything! About Ed and Al getting stuck on the other side of the gate, and about how I had just begun research to find a way to open it back up. Kimblee is very smart. He says he knows things about the gate, and an equivalent exchange that could bring people back from the dead." There was a tone of longing in her voice that Riza recognized. She wanted more than anything to bring Roy back from that remote outpost. However, she was brought back to reality when those armored men came through the gate and Roy went off in that balloon. She knew that his first duty was to the people, and then his men. That's why he accepted the position of Fuhrer, and part of the reason Riza quit. Riza finally realized that what she wanted was just impossible. What would it take for Winry to realize the same?

"Listen, Winry, I'm saying this because I consider us friends, Ed and Al are gone. The gate is gone. Can't you just accept that…" It was obvious from the expression on Winry's face that she was dedicated to her new cause.

* * *

And I want to get free, talk to me / I can feel you falling / And I wanted to be, all you need / Somehow here is gone

* * *

The Sugiyama Estate

* * *

Kimblee finally wiped that vague expression of a first meeting off his face and let his memories sweep over him. He knew exactly who Riza Hawkeye was and pretending he didn't was the performance of his lifetime. He could only pray that Mustang wasn't close behind. However, his plans were going exceptionally well. Winry was the perfect accomplice. The people he worked for knew how to create the gate in this world. All he would have to do is set up bread crumbs leading Winry straight to it, which would keep her busy while he went after Riza for the kill. 

Bella Sugiyama stood at the top of the stairs. Her regal poise and finesse called for Kimblee's immediate attention. He spun around to meet her gaze from the foot of the staircase. This was his boss and his personal savior. Her and her twin brother, Shall, were the ones who brought him back from the dead using a new alchemic technique called cerebral exchange. "How has the girl progressed?" Bella asked in her metallic tone. She was a work of art. Her body was sharp as if it had been cut from stone, and her severe a-line haircut chiseled out her face. Bella's nose came to a sharp point and her cheeks were so hallowed that people wondered if she ever ate. Kimblee knew that her emaciated appearance had something to do with her being somewhat…undead. Her brother; however, was bright and exuberant in both personality and physique. Shall still had pale skin accented by dark hair, but there seemed to be a presence of soul to him that Bella lacked. The paintings that lined the walls of the manor told stories of the Sugiyama family being happy. Bella smiled and she seemed healthy and alive. Kimblee was told that he would understand things in due time.

"I've given her all the bait I possibly could. She has become fanatic with finding the Elric brothers. Framing her will be a cinch. And, you were looking for another test subject for cerebral exchange?" Bella nodded. "Her name is Riza Hawkeye."

A sort of twitch sparked across Bella's face. Her smile was as haunting as it was confusing to see. "Whose grave will we be robbing?"

"Maes Hughes."

* * *

I have no solution / To the sound of this pollution in me / And I was not the answer / So forget you ever thought it was me

* * *

Central

* * *

Roy Mustang sat at his empty desk, in his old empty office, in front of a newly emptied bottle of gin. However, after years of binge drinking, the Flame Alchemist was in no way inebriated. His senses were still as clear as ever. So when Sheska came flying down the hall toward his office, he could hear every footstep. He slid the empty bottle into the top drawer and looked at the door tentatively.

Sheska threw open the door with one hand and tried hard to balance a stack of files in the other. "Sir! I'm sorry for coming in unannounced, but I have to show you something."

Roy rubbed his temple. Whenever Sheska had discovered something it was usually followed up by everyone at Central freaking out over a new investigation that sent them on a wild goose chase. "Private Sheska, I'm actually quite busy."

"Oh. I didn't realize you were busy. Although I should have guessed after Fuery said you were busy drinking yourself into an early grave because you missed Hawkeye so much."

Roy doubled up his temple stroking. Was it that obvious? "Okay…make it quick."

Sheska tossed her stack of books on Roy's desk. "Here are the military records on all of our officers, where they sleep, what they eat, who their parents are, _everything_!"

"I'm aware that we do this, Sheska. Are you getting to a point?" Roy was perfectly content with doing exactly what Fuery had predicted. But at the same time, he was anxious to have something to take his mind off of Riza.

"I have a photographic memory, sir…"

"I know! Just get to it!"

Sheska straightened her glasses and tried again, "I don't forget things, sir. Which is why I was stunned to find this." She opened one of the books up to the file on Zolf Kimblee. Roy looked it over. Lieutenant Colonel Zolf Kimblee, the Crimson Alchemist, war criminal, Ishbalan war veteran, and currently lives in exile as punishment for treason and the murder of some of his superior officers. "Doesn't this seem strange to you?"

"This all seems to be in order. I remember him. He was with us when we tracked down Scar. You know he was the guy who gave him that scar. He snapped on us."

"Yes, but that doesn't get you exile. You get execution."

Roy rolled his eyes and shut the file. This was a disappointment. He had some of the smartest and bravest men working under him, and they bring him a file on some reject psycho alchemist who was exiled. "If you're so concerned about the trial, I'm sure we have case files on this kind of thing."

"I've read those, sir." Sheska cracked open some more folders and showed him the case. "It says that those killed were simply caught in crossfire between him and Scar. He was exiled based on his war crimes during Ishbal. But that's not where the mystery ends. We have no record of him ever having a mother."

"So the kid's an orphan, what's your point?"

"Sir, I would have remembered something like this. You've got to believe me."

After the day Roy had, this sort of nonsense was not what he needed. Sheska had always been the oddball of the group. She was fascinated with the thought of outer space aliens. That was enough for Roy to consider most of her theories crackpot. However, she did have a photographic memory, and this was not the sort of thing that she would forget. But he didn't know her well enough to believe her. He knew that the scribes who put together those records were the military's finest and weren't a part of some conspiracy that only involved one person. Out of all the people to go through the records to protect, Kimblee would not have been one of them. He was a whisper amongst the army that was forgotten about long ago. "Listen, I don't know what you want me to do about this, Sheska, but I could not care less about your own private investigation into the life of a guy like Zolf Kimblee. He's exiled. If you're afraid he's out to get us, don't be. The military checks up on people like this. I'm sure he's still in exile on whatever island we shipped him off to."

Sheska sighed deeply and picked up her books. She had never felt more embarrassed. Sheska longed for Winry who would have believed her. Winry would have helped her investigate further. But Sheska was alone now in a military where her talent went once again overlooked. Before leaving the room, Sheska turned to her Fuhrer and stated in an almost whisper, "You know, sir, that island that Kimblee was shipped off to, is the same island that Riza went to live on."

* * *

I'm not the one who broke you / I'm not the one you should fear / What do you got to move you, darling / I thought I lost you somewhere / But you were never really ever there at all

* * *

Munich (On the other side of the gate)

* * *

Alphonse followed close behind his brother, Edward. Alphonse had snipped off his long hair to set himself apart from his older brother. Most of the town was pleased with it. The two scientists were already alike in their manner of dress; it was sometimes hard to tell them apart. "Where are we going, brother?" Alphonse asked. His voice had deepened more since he and his brother had first got stuck on this side of the gate.

Edward grabbed his black leather case of supplies and headed toward the car. He had received a telegram that morning to head to the hospital immediately. He knew he was no doctor, and he was sure that whoever had asked him to come knew the same. However, if someone at the hospital needed his assistance, it had to have been serious. "A doctor sent me a telegram this morning. They need our assistance with a young woman who has been in a coma for the last five months. My guess is that the only reason they've been keeping her alive is out of sheer curiosity."

"But we're not doctors," Alphonse stated while grabbing his bag.

"I know that, but we'll have time to ask questions later." Edward hopped in and started the car immediately. Alphonse quickly laid his bag in the back and hopped in the passenger seat. When Edward was in a hurry, everyone needed to be at the same speed or just forget about it. Edward's level of determination sometimes worried Alphonse. If Ed were to get involved in the wrong thing, it could be dangerous to see how fast he could get things going. However, that's what Alphonse was for, to make sure that he and Edward were fighting for the right causes.

The car ride was bumpy and fast. Ed was sure that if a scientist was needed, it had to be something cool. His male mind kicked in, _a third eye, blisters on her nails, or maybe a second head._

Along the way he passed Hughes on the street trying his hardest to woo his beloved Gracia. It was all Alphonse could do not to tell him that in another world they had a beautiful child together. Alphonse knew he would to leave out that part where he was killed.

Alphonse was gripping the side of the rickety old car with all his might as Edward rounded the last corner before entering the parking lot of the hospital. As soon as the engine shut off, the brothers grabbed their black bags and took the steps up to the hospital two at a time. A nurse dressed in white met them in the hall and smiled broadly. The smell of the hospital made Edward a little nauseous. Germany was in a state of upheaval. The Nazis were gaining power, and the division between the Arians and everyone else was becoming even greater. Luckily for the Elric brothers, they had the right combination genes that let them blend in quietly. Because of the turmoil the country was facing, the number of wounded in the hospital had grown. The hospital had held up as one of the few neutral zones in the country.

"We're Edward and Alphonse Elric…"

The nurse extended her right hand to introduce herself and held a clipboard under her other arm, "We've been expecting you all day. Please follow me." The boys followed closely behind the bubbly Nurse Leni Dodd. In between greeting patients and doctors, Dodd attempted to educate the boys on their first patient. "Good afternoon, Doctor Bristow…she came to us after helping a group of Jews…hello there, Mrs. Falke, how's your husband…across to France. She had been complaining of…Mr. Hayner, how's that foot…headaches. We brought her in for a check up…of course, Doctor Putzkammer, I'll be down in an hour…and next thing we knew, she was in a coma. We keep telling ourselves that we're going to have to take her off life support, but," Nurse Dodd finally turned to the brothers. Her eyes were downcast, "None of us can bring ourselves to kill her." After a brief moment of silence, Leni went back to skipping down the halls in her normal excited attitude, "Plus, it's quite a miracle that she's alive at all. We found a strange wound on her chest after further examination. Someone had cut some sort of…Mrs. Werden, your diet does not call for cake…pattern into her chest. One of the marks was quite deep. It just barely met her heart. Quite strange." The boys finally stopped on the top floor where Nurse Dodd opened a door marked _Authorized Personnel Only_. "Here she is."

Alphonse stood back with the nurse, "You go in, Edward. I'm not too interested in seeing a half alive woman." Edward nodded. If truth be told, neither was Edward. It brought back too many memories of watching their mother die. But one of them had to go in, and Edward was the older brother after all. Nurse Dodd smiled broadly at him again. She must have been a volunteer because she seemed no older than seventeen. She had large blue eyes and long blonde hair. She reminded Alphonse of Winry a little, but mostly he thought of how she was the ideal German in the eyes of the nationalists. "So…Leni, that's a nice name. Are you German?"

"Oh yes, Leni is a pet name for Magdalena. My father said it would be wise of me to go by Leni if I were going to be staying in Germany during these…unsure times."

Before Leni could get her last words out, Ed rushed out of the room, almost out of breath, "Al, come in here, you've got to see this."

Leni poked her head in around the corner to look at the boys work. She too had been quite curious about the mysterious patient. "Ed…it's Riza! And that's…"

Ed decided he would finish his brother's sentence, "A transmutation circle."

* * *

And I want to get free, talk to me / I can feel you falling / And I wanted to be, all you need / Somehow here is gone

* * *

Central

* * *

Mustang didn't want to admit it, but Sheska's findings did upset him a little, mostly the part about a treasonous murderer living in proximity to Hawkeye. He knew that if push came to shove, she could handle herself, but he didn't like the thought of her being alone out there. Besides, bad luck usually followed Winry.

Roy grabbed another bottle of gin, a notepad, and a pen. The least he could do is warn her.

_Dear Riza_, he began. Roy stared at the phrase as if he hadn't just written it. It was so foreign. He ripped out the page from his notepad and began again. _URGENT!_ Again, he tore out the page. He didn't want Riza getting too worried. _Attention Riza Hawkeye_. Mustang slapped his forehead. This isn't a call to arms, Roy thought.

Roy gazed at the phone in the corner of the room contemplatively. Maybe it was easier just to call her. Figuring out a way to start a verbal conversation did seem a lot simpler. His white gloved hand picked up the phone. For a moment, his brain tried it's hardest to connect his whirlwind of thoughts, to the feelings deep in his heart, to the motionless body containing all of it. However, it was futile. His heart wanted to call her, but the brain was in charge of sending messages to the body, and the brain was telling him not to make her worried during her retirement. She deserved to live a pampered leisurely life.

* * *

And I don't need the fallout / Of all the past that's in between us / And I'm not holding on / And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

* * *

The Rockwell Residence

* * *

Riza tried her hardest to fall asleep, but it escaped her. Most of her boxes were now unpacked. She had a room that was her own, but it just didn't feel like home, not without her boys a few rooms over. Black Hayate was in the corner licking his paws. She wondered if he missed Roy as much as she did. Images of her pet dog and her military dog playing blissfully outside Central Headquarters were burned into her mind. That dog had always had some sort of spell on Roy.

After a few hours of staring at the ceiling, Riza finally dozed off and had once again fallen back into a very familiar dream.

"Well, Miss Riza, how does the life of a civilian compare?" Hughes asked her.

It was always the same setting, a vast grey land where the only things present besides her and Hughes were their shadows. He looked exactly the same as he did before he died. He wore thin rimmed square glasses, his hair was combed back except for that signature strand that jumped out of its gel confines, he wore his military outfit, and his stature, which was much taller than Riza's, came off as the cuddly big brother teddy bear type.

Maes Hughes was the only person on earth that she could not lie to. Maybe in front of her comrades, she would bend the truth a little, but when they were alone, Hughes transformed into her personal diary. In her dreams it was even easier for her to divulge her feelings. Tonight was no different, "I miss him, Hughes. I told myself I wouldn't, but I do. It didn't even hit me until I realized that it was 10:00 and there was no paper work to be done."

Hughes laughed a little. "I'm sure it Roy at the same time when he realized there was no one yelling at him to do it."

"I was thinking of calling him and reminding him, but I figured he's celebrating his freedom right now."

Hughes placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Remember how I used to joke about Roy needing a wife? Well, I always kind of hoped it would be a girl like you. Then again, if you two ever got married I'd have to wonder what _you_ were thinking. I mean, let's face it, Roy's a mess."

Riza knew he was joking. Hughes and Mustang were practically brothers, and Hughes would never deal such harsh words about his brother. "Well, I guess he'll just have to find someone else to clean him up."

"Listen, Hawkeye, I've known you for quite sometime. All you need is a little time to think. If this civilian life doesn't suit you, I'm sure Roy will welcome you back with open arms."

* * *

And I want to get free, talk to me / I can feel you falling / And I wanted to be, all you need / Somehow here is gone."

--Goo Goo Dolls

* * *

Heh? Review? Huh? Ya know you wanna! 


	2. Everything's Just Wonderful

A/N: So here's the _segundo_ chapter. (That's my Spanish for the day.) We finally get to see why it's rated M because Kimblee's a friggen nut bag! That's not considered a spoiler, is it? Anyways, the song I picked is Everything's Just Wonderful by Lily Allen because I think it captures the mood you'll be in when reading: these is the craziest thing I've ever read, but what can I do! Which is about what all of the characters are thinking right now too. Anyways, enjoy! Please rate. Oh, and I don't own Full Metal Alchemist, you know, that legal stuff.

* * *

"Do you think, everything, everyone, is going mental / It seems to me that it's spiraling outta control and it's inevitable / Now don't you think / This time is yours, this time is mine / It's temperamental / It seems to me, we're on all fours / Crawling on our knees / Someone help us please

* * *

Hospital in Munich (Other side of the Gate)

* * *

Alphonse stared in awe at what appeared to be the emotional rock that was Riza Hawkeye. It was a little disturbing to see someone as strong willed as her lying motionless on a hospital bed. If Roy saw her like this, he'd probably give her the yelling of her life. It was a known fact that Roy's soldiers were the best of the best, and Riza was the best out of that bunch. 

Edward stood next to him examining the transmutation circle that had been etched into her chest. "I've never seen a circle like this. If only I could still use alchemy, maybe then I could test it out," Edward said while tracing the curves of the pattern with his index finger. "Who would do this? Who else knows about alchemy?"

Alphonse shook his head, "Maybe she did it herself."

A man in a white lab coat entered the room with Nurse Dodd trailing behind him. "Hello, brothers Elric, I'm Doctor Kaspar Dodd, I believe you've already met my daughter, Leni, and of course this is the girl of the hour, Ms. Jane Doe."

Alphonse looked closely at the jagged blonde locks of hair that fell carelessly across the pillow, in contrast to Riza who kept her hair pinned back tightly. Her skin was pale from all the sleep, while Riza was full of color and life. Yet, somehow, Alphonse knew that this was Riza's counterpart on this side of the gate. "If it's not too much trouble, Doctor Dodd, can we please call her Riza?" Alphonse asked. He didn't like the lieutenant who had saved him and his brother countless times being reduced to a nameless patient.

"Riza? What for? Do you know this woman?" Nurse Dodd questioned with her sort of blank thoughtless stare.

"Well, um…on the other side of the…" Edward put his hand over his younger brother's mouth before he could finish that sentence.

Edward smiled nervously and tried to fake a reason, "Well, you see, scientists call all scientific mysteries, such as this patient, Riza because of the scientist Phillip Riza…enhell…stein…yes! Scientist Phillip Rizaenhellstein who discovered the first…um…volcano rock, and had no clue what to call it at first, so he, very scientifically, named it Riza. It's all very…scientific."

Leni turned to her father and whispered in his ear during Edwards _very scientific_ speech, "Scientists are very eccentric." Her father nodded in agreement.

"However!" Edward shouted to take him away from his rambling, "I was wondering if we can take this woman back with us for further inspection. You see this pattern…is…well…"

"Very scientific?" Leni asked.

"_Very_ scientific," Edward said instantly.

Doctor Dodd ran his hand through his thick blonde hair. From the expression on his face, it was obvious to anyone that he had a hard decision on his hands. It was true that there wasn't anything else he could do to save this woman; however, sending her off with two young loony scientists to be a guinea pig didn't seem any smarter. "Well, boys, I suppose it would be fine, on one condition. My daughter has to go with you. Think of her as your new…lab assistant. She'll be able to help set up…Riza on life support."

"One moment please," Edward said with a smile as he pulled his little brother to a corner for some collaboration. "I dunno about this, Al. She's kind of…well…spaced out. But we would need her to keep track of all the medical stuff, like watching Riza's vitals."

Alphonse nodded, "Do what you think is right, brother."

While the two boys put their heads together, the Dodd family also had a short meeting. Leni's eyes widened at the thought of going home with those two. A wave of consciousness seemed to pass over Leni's face. All of the sudden it was as if she was…intelligent. Her father placed a hand on her shoulder, "It's obvious that the boys' alchemy doesn't work on this side of the gate. It was a nice idea, bringing them here, but the only way we're going to be able to access that circle is by giving them some time to figure it out. Julia wasn't lying when she said that circle can open back up the gate."

Leni rolled her eyes at the thought of the half alive Julia who had come stumbling into the ward, dragging Riza behind her. The blood dripping from Riza's lacerations staining the floor as Julia tried desperately to explain how that circle was the key to opening some sort of gate to another world. "What did she call it again?" Leni inquired.

"Cerebral exchange."

* * *

Oh Jesus Christ almighty / Do I feel alright/ No not slightly / I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it / It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage / Well it's very funny cause I got your fucking money / And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit / Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble / I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles

* * *

The Sugiyama Estate

* * *

Shall tapped on Bella's door lightly. If his sister was sleeping the last thing he wanted was to wake her up. She was scary enough when she didn't get enough sleep. "Speak," commanded Bella Sugiyama from behind her door.

Shall could barely contain his excitement. Bella had been somewhat of a success, but the specimen that had been sacrificed to bring her back failed to have enough input to put her all together. Kimblee was their real first test subject for cerebral exchange. However, his sacrificial specimen didn't last long. She disappeared through the gate. Julia Kimblee was the reason the Sugiyamas were trying to open the gate again. If she was alive on the other side, they had to keep her quiet. But now they had another test subject. "Come quick, sister, the servants have just brought the body in."

"Give me a moment, brother. I am not decent."

"Alright, I'll meet you in the lab," Shall said before heading back down the stairs. He had seen the body the moment Kimblee and the servants brought him in. He was a sturdy man. The glasses would be a stretch. Reanimating Kimblee was difficult enough. They brought him back to life, but his alchemic powers didn't come back with him. Bella said it had something to do with his copy on the other side of the gate. If the Maes Hughes on the other side of the gate didn't wear glasses, who knew what would happen. Shall was a little scared that this Hughes might go blind.

Shall met Kimblee in the lab. He was scrubbing his hands off harshly with bleach. Apparently the thought of carting around a dead body didn't sit well with him. "He was heavier than I thought he would be, the bastard. Where's your sister? I want to get this over with." Kimblee turned off the water and looked over his shoulder at Hughes. Hughes had gained the reputation of the teddy bear at Central, but everybody knew he acted that way because his job had been so depressing. Kimblee wondered for a moment about the other Hughes, then he began to wonder about the other Kimblee. Was he sadistic? Was he a mastermind? Did he have this Kimblee's sly good looks? Kimblee looked at himself in the mirror above the sink. He took great pride in his looks, and for a once dead guy, he wasn't doing so bad. Sure he felt a little bit weakened knowing he couldn't blow up any idiot who came his way with his alchemy, but he could still snatch up any girl he wanted with his charm and looks. In another life maybe him and Roy could have been friends, seeing as how they shared tactics. But at the same time, Roy wasn't nihilistic enough for Kimblee. While gazing at his complexion, Kimblee caught a glimpse of Hughes' body in the mirror. Before Kimblee knew it he was vomiting up what appeared to be everything he had eaten for the last two weeks. It was just another example of how when he was brought back to life, something had changed in him. He was a strong believer in the fact that all lives were expendable, even his, and that death was beautiful, and yet here he was puking at the site of a dead man.

Bella entered the room wearing a black silk robe over her nightgown along with some black lingerie heels. She always went over the top with her wardrobe, even her nighttime clothes. Her face lit up as soon as she saw Hughes' corpse. Seeing how happy death made Bella sent Kimblee on the verge of regurgitation again. "He's beautiful. He's perfect. How long before we have a specimen to use for the exchange?" Her onyx eyes took in every part of Maes and her skeleton-like fingers traced the bones in face. Creepy, thought Kimblee.

"Well, Kimblee says he knows a perfect specimen, and I _hope_ he can get both the specimen and the set-up girl in soon," Shall said while nudging Kimblee. The operation was a little behind schedule, but Kimblee was sure he could handle the business of getting both Riza and Winry to the estate soon. Winry was an impatient woman who lost her two best friends and would do anything to get them back, and Riza was sexually deprived and missed her friend Hughes so much she would gladly sacrifice herself for him. Kimblee would have to play with the cards he was dealt, which turned out to be a royal flush.

* * *

Oh yes, I'm fine / Everything's just wonderful / I'm having the time of my life

* * *

Central Headquarters

* * *

During his lunch break, Mustang took the time to check up on a few things to ease his mind. He went down into the Criminal Investigation wing of headquarters and down into the room where they kept the evidence and criminals' personal belongings that were confiscated during raids. Roy checked over his shoulder twice before locking the door behind him. Sure he was Fuhrer, but snooping around headquarters was still looked upon badly. And if Zolf J. Kimblee really was part of some conspiracy, he definitely didn't want to look like he was part of it. 

The first box he passed was Archer's. Just seeing the name Frank Archer filled Roy with a mix of anger and sadness. He couldn't have been more pissed for the permanent wound Archer had given him, but Roy didn't need to see Archer's name to be reminded of his missing eye. However, the automail eye that Winry had finally supplied him with proved to be an excellent replacement. The sadness came from remembering how Riza had saved him that day. If Riza hadn't showed up that night at the Bradley Residence, Roy would be minus more than just his eye. But that was what her job was. She had been hired to protect him, and she did that very well. Now he was alone. His life sat vulnerable in his own hands.

Roy had to shake himself out of his reminiscing before he got too depressed. He passed by dozens of other boxes full of files and personal belongings such as knives, guns, bombs, and clothing. Some of the cases Mustang remembered from his earlier days. Some of them had been Ishablan terrorists, well, people that had been tried for being terrorists. Looking back, Mustang wasn't sure who exactly the terrorists were. He had done his share of killing in Ishbal, and yet there was no file down there marked Roy Mustang.

Finally Mustang came across Kimblee's box. There were a few of the usual things such as his case record, his uniform, things from his house that could have been used as evidence, but Mustang was surprised to find what appeared to be a diary or maybe a sketchbook. Inside were drawings of men who had been dismembered. Alongside the gruesome sketches were notes. _Roger Willim. Male. Standard size. Furniture vendor. Eats alone every night at Café Golden. Walks home alone every night. Walks down South Street to his one room house on Second Street. _The color of the ink changed toward the bottom of the page._ Died silently. The bomb in his chest exploded sooner than I thought it would. Maybe too much blood had been transmuted during. I didn't get the result I had been hoping for. Heart had exploded along with lungs._ It didn't take Roy too long to figure out that the picture was what Kimblee had been hoping for, the first notes were his research on his mark, and the last notes were the outcome. In the picture, the dismembered man's heart laid hanging by an artery from his open chest. Sick bastard, Roy thought. The only reason Roy kept looking was out of curiosity. He wondered if anyone he knew was in Kimblee's little black book of murders.

After a while he came to what appeared to be a chapter built solely of Ishbalans he'd killed. _Ishbalan #87._ The drawing was a large man dark hair along the side and lighter hair on top. Roy recognized him as the infamous Scar. The sketch showed Scar missing his entire right arm with a transmutation circle etched into his face. Roy knew that the circles were the exact same ones tattooed on Kimblee's hands, the circles that made him able to turn people into walking bombs just by clapping his hands. #_87's brother and my military comrades got in the way. I succeeded in destroying the Ishbalan's arm, but the scar didn't turn out quite as I had planned. All I could manage was a large X._

Then Roy came across military officers. Some he knew, others he had never heard of, but all were shown brutally disfigured or murdered. Most of the women were drawn naked and dismembered. The notes proved that Kimblee wasn't only a deranged murderer but a rapist as well. Roy was about to burn the book with a snap of his fingers until he came across a very familiar face…his own. _Colonel Roy Mustang. Raging alcoholic. Flame alchemist. Dorm number 76. Cocky. Arrogant. Self-loathing while being completely narcissistic. Possible love entanglement with fellow comrade, Riza Hawkeye_. Was it that obvious, Roy thought. The picture showed him dying in what Kimblee thought would be most appropriate, being burned alive. Roy could feel his stomach acid rise. His gloved hand let the book slip from his fingers as he turned his head away for a quick gag. When he turned back, he noticed another familiar face. _Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Trusted bodyguard for Colonel Roy Mustang. Reclusive. Great figure. Lonely._ Roy couldn't even bear to look at what Kimblee had drawn. Mustang snapped his fingers and the book went up in flames. He sat watching it burn, hoping it could also burn the disgusting drawings that had been burned into his memories.

Roy knew he wouldn't be content until Riza was back where he could make sure she was safe. The thought of her even being on the same planet as Zolf Kimblee made him want to burn down every place that Kimblee had ever set foot on.

* * *

Don't you want something else / Something new, than what we've got here / And don't you feel it's all the same / Some sick game and it's not insincere / I wish I could change the ways of the world / Make it a nice place / Until that day, I guess we stay / Doing what we do / Screwing who we screw

* * *

The Rockbell Home

* * *

Winry had finally come home late that night. She was carrying a large stack of papers in one hand, and she softly shut the door behind her with the other hand. However, Black Hayate was a dog, which meant his hearing was incredibly sensitive. He began barking to alert Riza that someone had entered the house. Riza shot up from bed and rushed to the top of the stairs. Her military instincts kicked in without her even knowing. She stood looking across her 45mm at Winry who stood in the doorway stunned. After assessing the situation, she lowered her pistol and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "Sorry, Riza," Winry shouted up the stairs. It had been a week since Riza had moved in, and she was still bolting out of bed with her gun if Black Hayate so much as blinked irregularly.

"Where were you? It's 3:30!" Riza walked down the stairs to meet Winry.

"I was with Zolf…um, Mr. Kimblee. We went to this place across the bay called the Sugiyama Estate. It's so huge, you wouldn't believe it!" Winry looked behind her and then opened the door and said in a loud whisper, "Are you coming in?"

Riza turned on a lamp so Winry could see the angry look that Riza was sporting. "Winry, it's the middle of the night. Please tell me you didn't bring a guest. I know that theoretically I too am a guest, so I shouldn't be telling you how to live, but this is ludicrous."

"Don't worry, I just brought over Mr. Kimblee for more research." Riza quickly considered her choice in sleepwear. Her pink boxer shorts and black tank top were fine when it was just her and another girl, but Kimblee was obviously a playboy, the type of playboy who knew exactly what to do with a girl like Riza Hawkeye. That type of girl being the type who was sexually deprived, lonely, and all together desperate underneath all that hard exterior, a hard exterior that Kimblee had fantasized about both times he was alive.

"Well, then, I'm going back to bed. Please try to be quiet." Riza quickly went back to her room before Kimblee entered with some more papers.

Winry led Kimblee to her office where they sat down their papers, and she immediately began their conversation where they had left off in the car, "So you're saying that Bella and Shall discovered that only one person can exist at one time on either side of the gate?"

Kimblee nodded, "Exactly. This means if I were to head over to the other side right now, either my counterpart or I would have to die. Now, here's the peculiar part, if someone from this side goes to the other and dies, that person disappears off the face of this world. Somehow the balance sort of…happens. Any medical records, birth records, photographs, or legal documents on this person just disappear. And, the memory of this person in the head of any other person, just dissipates."

Winry shook her head. Ed had come and gone through that gate. She still had photos of him lining her walls. "That's impossible. Al just went through the gate with his brother. I still remember him."

"And there's a simple explanation for that. This means the other Al died. This makes it so your Al can pass through the gate as free as bird with no repercussions. Now you may be thinking, how does Miss Bella know all this. She too can pass through the gate freely and has seen these memory swipes happen many a time to many a people." Kimblee had answered her question before she could answer, it was a little eerie. However, he did forget to mention the small fact that she was _very_ dead. He also didn't mention how his mother had also been swiped from this world. He knew nothing about her, but according to Bella, Julia Kimblee had existed. "I'll be back in a moment, where is your bathroom?"

Winry was still in awe of all the information she had just taken in. In a sort of mechanic approach, she told Kimblee, "Up the stairs on your left."

The truth was Kimblee couldn't care less about the whereabouts of the bathroom, for as soon as he hit the top of the stairs he went right toward Riza's room. He stood outside the doorway and listened for a moment. The dog had been sitting downstairs with Winry, so he didn't need to worry about it barking again. He could hear her soft and steady breathing, telling him that she was deep asleep. Kimblee crept quietly into her dark room. Even though the room was shadowy and dim, he could barely make out the form of Riza Hawkeye as she slept soundly beneath her blue comforter. She seemed to be having a strange dream. He could scarcely make out the words she was telling her room.

"I've given it a week, Maes, what more…"

* * *

Why can't I sleep at night / Don't say it's gonna be alright / I wanna be able to eat spaghetti bolognaise / And not feel bad about it for days and days and days / In the magazines they talk about weight loss / If I buy those jeans I can look like Kate Moss / Oh no it's not the life I chose / But I guess that's the way that things go

* * *

Riza's Dream World

* * *

"…do you want from me? I just can't go back. Not now. You've seen how crazy Winry's got with this gate business. Somebody's gotta watch out for her." Riza stood pleading with Hughes in the same dream world that she had been in many a night.

"I guess I'm just beating a dead horse then, aren't I?" Hughes asked. Suddenly, there was a change in the feel of the atmosphere. Hughes' face had grown dark, his shadow stretched longer. Riza slinked closer to him. Usually a glow radiated from Hughes that seemed to make Riza warmer, but this time, his gloomy façade sent a shiver running down her back. Hughes placed an arm on both of her shoulders, leaned his face in toward her ear, and in a deep voice that was definitely not his own, he whispered, "I remember you quite well, Riza Hawkeye. Tell me, do you still chase after that dimwitted Mustang with those same big puppy dog eyes, hoping he'll turn around and take you into his arms? Do you still hope that one day he'll plant kisses all over you and tell you how much he appreciates you?" Riza stood there as if a spell had been cast over her. "I used to watch you. I thought about how good your body would look sprawled naked across my bed. Then I used to image how much better it would look with a thin red line of blood from my knife, carving you from your beautiful neck all the way down to the place that has been neglected for so long. Tell me, Riza, did he ever once tell you how stunning you are? Did he ever tell…"

* * *

Oh yes, I'm fine / Everything's just wonderful / I'm having the time of my life

* * *

Riza's Bedroom

* * *

"…you how great you'd look if you just stepped out of that blue uniform?" Kimblee's speech burned holes in Riza's ear, but she was trapped in her dream. She knew it wasn't Hughes, but she couldn't wake herself to see who was really saying such terrible things. "I would tell you if you'd just let me. Tell me what you want, Riza. I could pretend, if you'd like. You could scream my name, or call me Colonel Roy Mustang if it would help. I could give you everything, Riza, and all you'd have to do is submit to my will. Tell me, Riza, how badly do you want to see Hughes again? I could give you back Hughes, Riza. And all you'd have to do is give yourself over to me. The worst that could happen is that you'd like it. Three days, Riza, I'll give you three days."

* * *

Oh Jesus Christ almighty / Do I feel alright? No not slightly / I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it / It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage / Well it's very funny cause I got your fucking money / And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit / Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble / I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

* * *

The Elric's Home

* * *

Leni had helped set Riza up in the spare bedroom with Edward and Alphonse. Now Ed sat in the room alone with Riza's sleeping body. He sat down with a sketch pad and began copying the pattern. Some of the symbols he recognized. He knew it had something to do with the brain, but he couldn't figure out which part of the brain. After a while of staring at the circle, he realized what he was staring at. The transmutation circle stretched the width of her chest and dipped down halfway to her navel. He knew that there were slight differences in appearance when it came to people on either side of the gate, but somehow he knew that the fierce half naked body that lay before him couldn't be too far off from the real Riza Hawkeye. A part of him wanted to touch her to see if she was even real. He had dreamt once or twice of touching Riza Hawkeye, but they were just dreams brought on by who knows what. He could tell she was lonely and that she sometimes got bored with the neglect she received from Mustang. It was almost like a celebrity fantasy, being with Riza Hawkeye. Maybe in this new world he could have a chance. Still, she was a bit older than Ed, almost like an older sister's hot friend.

Edward finally stood up and did the gentleman thing. He closed the top of her hospital gown and sat back down with his studies.

Downstairs Al sat with Leni, trying his hardest to explain to her the complexities of alchemy. He figured that if she was going to be in on this investigation, she should at least know why it's so important to them. "So it's kinda of like magic, right!?" Leni asked in her high squeaky tone.

"Not really. There's a delicate balance to the whole thing. You see, there's this law called equivalent exchange."

Leni sat quietly while he explained things to her that she had already learned from her father that fateful day that Julia Kimblee came to the hospital. She came in rambling about some alchemists using that circle to bring her son back to life, but she was also rambling about how she never had a son and didn't understand what was going on. The police investigated the knife wound on Riza. They said Julia did it to her. But Julia said she was trying to get home. She said that the first time she saw that circle she ended up here, in her same body but not really, like there were two Julia's in one body. She kept screaming about cerebral exchange. She took out her knife to demonstrate something, but as soon as that knife was pulled out, the police that had come running in after her, took out their guns, and shot Julia down. Leni remembered speaking to the cop, a Mr. Maes Hughes.

Leni told Al all about that day, trying to maintain her brainless blonde image. Then, she asked her burning question, "What is the gate she spoke of?"

"It's how I came here. My brother and I spent a long time destroying it on this side."

Leni frowned, "You mean it's gone? There's no way to go back?"

Al nodded, "Frankly, I don't believe there's any way to get _here_. Both sides have to be open. Julia must have just been delusional."

* * *

Oh well I guess it's just the way that things go / I suppose that's the way the cookie crumbles / Oh well I guess it's just the way that things go / I suppose that's the way the cookie crumbles."

--Lily Allen

* * *

So yeah, you should review it. And I know what you're thinking, does knife crazy weird split personality run in the Kimblee family or what! Well, just keep reading, you'll get it, I promise!!! 


	3. Sing for Absolution

A/N: I know this took me like…FOREVER! Sorry to whoever is reading this…I love you. The song I picked for today is Sing for Absolution by Muse. I highly suggest listening to it while you read this; it's a real mood setter. Plus the lyrics go GREAT with this chapter, TWO POINTS FOR ME!!! Anyways! I do not own Full Metal Alchemist and all that glorious legal stuff. Enjoy, mis amigos.

* * *

"Lips are turning blue / A kiss that can't renew / I only dream of you / My beautiful

* * *

Central

* * *

Roy had his men lined up in his new office. His men, along with their Fuhrer, stood quietly dressed in all black. As he listed their names, Roy's men bravely saluted and kept their mouths quiet, "Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc. Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda. Lieutenant Colonel Alex Armstrong. Chief Warrant Officer Vato Falman. Master Sergeant Kain Fuery. You five men are my go to men right now. This mission is completely off the grid. We're taking a train east. Then we're taking a boat across the bay. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to infiltrate the Rockbell residence and check up on Riza Hawkeye. I, along with you, Havoc, will stay behind to investigate this address." Roy handed Havoc a manila envelope. "Don't open it. Once you have, burn it. Be ready at exactly 0600 hours. Dismissed." 

The men silently left the room, but once they were in the privacy of the subordinate's quarters, they voiced their opinions. "Why can't he just ask us to check on Riza for him normally? I mean, who does he think he's fooling?" Havoc asked. He opened his envelope in plain sight of the others. He was a great soldier and normally took his job very seriously, but if Roy wasn't going to take his job as Fuhrer seriously, why should he? "The Sugiyama Estate, huh?" Havoc read while keeping his cigarette lightly balanced in between his lips.

"Maybe once the Fuhrer sees that Hawkeye is alright, he'll quit all this and return to normal," Fuery stated hopefully.

The giant mass of muscles and sparkles that was Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong looked over Havoc's shoulder at the address, then quickly covered his eyes. "I shouldn't look, it's strictly confidential."

Havoc rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me you're taking this thing seriously!"

"I believe in our Fuhrer. Besides, what if Hawkeye _isn't_ okay? We can't just leave our comrade stranded without the help of her beloved men." The men were used to Armstrong's overly dramatic speeches that he belted in between flexing his biceps. This time was no different. The men would accept their mission, but the verdict was that they would never accept Roy's need for deception and drama. If something was going on, as Fuhrer, he should tell his men, and as a friend he _damn well _should tell his men.

* * *

Tiptoe to your room / A starlight in the gloom / I only dream of you / And you never knew

* * *

Rockbell Residence

* * *

Riza woke up after a long strange night in a never-ending daze. Everything seemed blurry, like it had been covered in foggy glass. Nothing she touched seemed to connect to her brain. She knew the table was supposed to feel smooth, but she couldn't connect. She could make out her hand resting on the oak table, but she couldn't feel a thing. Riza stumbled around the living room trying to make out what things were. Carpet – soft? Dog – fuzzy? 

The sound of Winry's voice didn't break her stupor, but it did distract her from it for a moment. "What are you doing, Riza?"

"I…uh…" suddenly sparks shot off in her brain. What _was_ she doing? Riza traced her shoulder with her eyes, down to her elbow, past her forearm, and to her fingertips that sat rubbing the white wall as if she didn't believe it were really there. "What are _you_ doing?" Riza asked, trying to move the subject somewhere else. "Did you ever get to bed last night?"

"Nope, but I have got great news! You and I are going to a party in three days."

Riza placed her forehead in the palm of her hand and stroked each temple with her thumb and middle finger. "A party? For what?"

Dark circles hung heavy under Winry's eyes. Her skin was obviously void of nourishment. "Yes ma'am. Because I am the one who discovered how to open the Gate again, the Sugiyama family has invited me over to what they referred to as a 'gala event' to unveil my findings."

"Your _findings_? What exactly have you found, Winry?"

Winry was oozing with hubris as she explained her discovery. If only she had known that all of it had already been discovered and she had just been lured into a trap. "Well, you see, there's a form of alchemy called cerebral exchange. It takes memories from one person's brain to pull another person back from the other side of the Gate." Riza almost lost balance as Winry continued to explain things about memories and the Gate opening and alchemy she had never heard of.

Riza stumbled backwards onto the couch. Thinking about opening the Gate and all the horror that came with it this early in the morning after the night she had was difficult. "Winry, you don't even know alchemy. How do you plan on doing this?"

"Mr. Kimblee, of course."

The name sent shivers running all through Riza. "I don't think he's all too trustworthy. Something about him gives me the creeps. And I don't necessarily approve of all this. Have you tested this theory? It doesn't sound like you _discovered_ anything."

"Listen, Riza, I know you and I aren't really that great of friends so much as we're acquaintances who became roommates, but who are you to say what I know." And that was all Riza needed to hear to put her back in her place. They _weren't_ friends. Did Riza Hawkeye even _have_ friends? Yes! They were Havoc, and Fuery, and Falman, and Breda, and sometimes Armstrong, and Hughes…and Mustang.

Hawkeye looked around her at the house that was in no way her home and at the girl who was not her family. _Was this why I felt so foreign this morning_? Hawkeye thought. _Was it because I am?_ This place was a puzzle to her, and she was simply a piece that did not fit. _I want to go back... … … … … but I can't._

* * *

Sing for absolution / I will be singing / Falling from your grace

* * *

Train

* * *

The train ride east was silent most of the way. The subordinates avoided all eye contact with their Fuhrer. Only Armstrong was brave enough to sit across from him and attempt conversation, "Sir…I'm sure she's fine." 

Roy didn't look up from his newspaper as he spoke, "You don't understand, Armstrong, no one does. I made a promise to her a long, long time ago that I intend to keep."

* * *

There's nowhere left to hide / In no one to confide / The truth burns deep inside / And will never die

* * *

(Flashback) Outside a Bar In Central

* * *

With a half conscience Mustang dropping his whole weight against her side, Hawkeye tried her hardest to keep the pace up as they ran as far away from the bar as they could get. Everyone expected Roy to have one too many drink, but they didn't think he'd get into a fight after doing so. But Hawkeye, who couldn't fall asleep knowing Roy was somewhere unprotected while Scar was out, came as soon as she heard that familiar snap from her post in the nearby alley. 

Roy glanced over his shoulder before dropping to his knees. Through gasps and half drunken laughter he looked up at Hawkeye and said, "I think we're safe."

A smile stretched across her face when she noticed that _he_ was the one out of breath after she did all the running. There were moments when Hawkeye hated her job. Those were the moments when she sat in alleys waiting for that gunshot or waiting for that knife to his heart. But there were moments when she absolutely loved her life and couldn't imagine herself anywhere else. Those were the moments when she looked down at Roy Mustang laughing like a madman in the middle of a rundown playground in the middle of the night after being in a bar fight. Those were the moments when she knew she had done her job well and Roy was alright.

The dew that coated the blades of grass licked at Roy's face and intermingled with his dark hair. "Who knew I could be such a light weight?" Roy spat with a slight slur.

Hawkeye collapsed next to him. Her lungs were burning and it was a weak moment for her. If Roy had been sober, he would have reprimanded her for blatantly displaying any form of flaw, but she thought he would never remember. "Sir, you certainly keep me on my toes."

Roy rolled over to face her. "This is what we hired you for."

"I'd be here anyway, Roy. I promise to always be there for you," Hawkeye whispered. She expect him to ever remember. But a year later, on a train ride east, he would remember, and he would remember quite well. Roy would remember the way the moonlight brought a slight glow to her already illuminated face. Roy would remember the way Riza's thick eyelashes bowed and blanketed over her beautiful eyes, then lifted back up as if they were small children stretching as soon as they awoke. Roy remembered wanting to hold her hand.

Roy remembered what he did instead. He took off the glove on his left hand, grabbed her hand with his now naked hand, and placed her palm gently on his chest. "So long as there's a beat in there, I promise, if you ever need me, or even if you're lonely, or you're just thinking 'Gee, that Mustang was a character,' whatever it is that you're thinking about me for, I'll come running. And if there's ever a moment when I'm just watching from far away, wishing I could go to you, and I see you need help, and you reach for your guns, and you think you can handle it, I'm gonna steal your moment and save you."

"Come on, sir, let's get you home. You're delirious."

* * *

Lips are turning blue / A kiss that can't renew / I only dream of you / My beautiful

* * *

The Sugiyama Estate

* * *

Kimblee sat across the table from Bella with his napkin sprawled out in front of him and a pen in his hand. She was dressed in her usual drab chic. He longed for the days of his notebook, when he could scribble his fantasies and keep them for his own amusement. Now he drew his visions on the napkins, and then left them for the maid to pick up to be sent to the wash. One napkin caused a maid to quit when she cleared the table and found her head drawn on one of the beige napkins…without a body. Some people just didn't appreciate a good caricature. Tsk tsk. 

Tonight he found himself basking in nostalgia. Without thinking, he sketched a page that he assumed sat somewhere in Central along with a dozen other things that straight laced commanders would never understand. Hawkeye was such a muse. He missed those three weeks straight that he spent following her. She was so busy watching Mustang that she never knew. He knew it was impossible for her to watch her own back when she was watching Roy's. Oh, and how she watched. At restaurants she watched the chefs out of the corner of her eye to make sure they weren't adding anything dangerous. At bars she always kept an extra eye on the tattooed men who she assumed carried a switchblade somewhere in their leather pockets. In the office she always stood between him and the window just in case something came crashing in. But she never noticed that man with dark hair and obsessive eyes sitting two tables over, or the man with dark hair having a drink just at the other end of the bar, or the dark haired man spying passionately through the crack in the door.

"Explain this all to me one more time," Kimblee said while finishing his doodle.

"The exchange?" Bella asked. Kimblee confirmed by nodding silently. "Do you know how much energy the brain uses to remember something? Phenomenal amounts. Even the minutest memories, such as the stone in someone's engagement ring of the color of a little boy's shirt are caused by exceptional amounts of energy being passed through the brain. Now consider how many memories we as humans have, masses upon masses. With my unique practice of alchemy, my gift from God for defeating the grave, I can exchange those memories from one person to bring another to life."

Kimblee thought of Hughes sitting dead just on the other side of the house. It sent chills running down his spine even though only moments before he had been drawing Riza Hawkeye with a gash that ran like a seam down her chest. "What's the Gate have to do with this?"

"The Gate seems to have a reaction to reanimation. It's a phenomenon that has existed since alchemy first began. It opens at the first sight of reanimation. This energy that I take from the brain opens the Gate so quickly and with such force that that it brings the parallel soul of the deceased from the other side the Gate. A lost soul's automatic reaction is to find a body. We lead it to into our cadaver, then, voila, welcome back, Mr. Hughes."

"That doesn't make any sense, if we bring in a parallel soul, it won't be the same Hughes." Kimblee had heard cerebral exchange explained one hundred different ways by both Bella and Shall, but he still felt as if it were all smoke and mirrors, and that the exchange wasn't complete. Even though Bella and he were living proof that cerebral exchange worked, he refused to believe it worked.

"When the parallel soul searches for the body, it only enters the body to bring life, to bring a pulse, to bring breath, the brain simply restarts where it left off. Eventually the brain dispels this new entity and returns to normal. Hughes will appear split because the two souls are sharing one body, but after a while the brain will straighten itself out and he will return to normal."

Bella had thought of everything, and it seemed that Kimblee had been outsmarted, but he always had a question for retaliation. "Alright, smart stuff, what do you plan to do with Winry and Riza, exactly?"

"I assume you mean our scapegoat and our specimen? Well, we need to use someone's memories, don't we? Then, when the Gate opens, we'll send the memoryless Riza through and we'll be rid of her for good. Whatever happens to her from then on, who cares? I highly doubt she's smart enough to pass through again. As for Winry, when Riza passes through, all memory of her will be completely erased from the minds of everyone. That is until the parallel Riza dies on the other side, then she will return to this world with some explanation. I'm sure she'll reappear on record as dying that night from a gun wound or something silly like that. It's a shame you don't remember your mother, it was quite exceptional the way her face disappeared from photographs."

"I don't remember a thing about her. Does that mean she's alive on the other side?" Kimblee asked with a hint of hope in his voice.

"Of course."

Sing for absolution / I will be singing / Falling from your grace

Riza's Dream That Night

"You've made up your mind then?" Hughes asked. Riza nodded. "I can't say I agree with you. I remember Kimblee being quite the nut job. But, if you want to go check out what's going on, I can't stop you."

Riza laughed a little at his comment, "You couldn't stop me anyway. You're dead." Hughes raised a warning eyebrow at her, as if to say _watch it_. "I'm sorry. I really do miss you. Everyday. I miss Roy too. Sometimes I remember his moonlight promise. I know it's silly to call it that."

"It's silly to think of it at all. He was hammered. And if I know Roy, once he's gotten himself good and drunk, there's nothing to look forward to but a hang over and a blurred memory of what he did the night before." Hughes could tell that his words saddened Hawkeye a little. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that...because I also know that Roy keeps his promises. If Roy said he'd be there if you needed him, then he's already on his way right now."

* * *

Our wrongs remain unrectified / And our souls won't be exhumed."

-Muse

* * *

Holy friggen crap! I just totally filled your head with a ton of information about 'cerebral exchange' and hopefully you understand it. If not, you can stick it in a review and I'll keep it in mind in the next chapter and see if you can grasp it. It's really quite cool. And if you haven't noticed, I forshadowed the crap out of this chapter, so if you can't guess what's gonna go down in the next chapter, then...you're silly. Anyways, pleeeeeeeease rate. I need commitment from you guys to use as encouragement. Don't make me go emo on you guys! 


	4. You

A/N: Yo, yo, yo...okay, I should stop that while I'm ahead. Anyways! Here's the next chapter. It's sort of shorterish, as in the song was much shorter so the slots where things happen are longer. However! **WARNING** this chapter and the next one have some...icky scenes mainly with Kimblee. And I know the Royai fans are pissed at me, but you know what, I said there would be Royai and dammit I'm sticking to it, but give it some time, there's still a ton of storyline to go. By the way, I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, but if I did, Winry's skirt would be drawn longer...that is all.

* * *

"My hands are broken and time is going on and on / It goes forever / So I got high and lived all that life / I have taken all for granted

* * *

The Rockbell Residence

* * *

Fuery knocked gently on the front door twice. Armstrong quickly jerked the smallest officer in the bunch and stated in a loud whisper, "What are you doing? If there's someone in there, you might be alerting them!" _Being a subordinate is hard when your commanding officers are crazy_, Fuery thought. Armstrong checked the area twice before testing the door. "Locked tight."

Falman rolled his eyes, "It _is_ almost eleven at night, could it be possible, _sir_, that the girls went to bed?"

"I don't think so. I saw the gals all dressed up heading across the bay," commented a familiar old voice.

"Madam Pinako! You mustn't sneak up on a trained weapon such as me," Armstrong screeched.

Pinako was almost half Armstrong's size, but he still treated her with a multitude of respect. She was, after all, his elder. "Didn't think I'd be seeing you again, Muscles. What are all you boys doing here so late?" Pinako's voice began to trail off as she rambled on, "Though it wouldn't surprise me. I live across the street and I've noticed that Winry's been getting an awful lot of strange late night visitors."

Fuery was ready to spill the beans, but Armstrong rapidly interrupted Fuery before he could get a word out, "I'm afraid that's classified – did you say 'strange late night visitors'?"

"Yeah, something like that. Is there something I should know?" Armstrong tried his hardest to keep the mission to himself. He bit his lip so hard it almost bled. "Do me a favor, big fella', watch out for the kid. She's got a good heart but that head of hers is a little kooky."

Armstrong's face was turning blue from trying to hold in what he knew. "Sir, are you okay?" Breda asked.

"Yeah, you're looking a little flustered. Is there something you need to get off your chest?" Pinako asked.

Armstrong took two deep breaths in and calmed himself down. After a moment, the sweat stopped rolling down from the top of his bald head and he could speak again, "I'm sorry, ma'am. My men and I are off to take a ferry across the bay. Men, move out."

Pinako had come across Armstrong before and knew he was famous for his odd antics. She assumed this was just another case of him being strange.

Armstrong was charging down the dirt road back toward the ferry. He knew his men would never be able to keep up with his world class sprinting techniques, passed down through the Armstrong family for centuries, but the ferry's horn was sounding, signaling that it was time to move out. "Sir, wait up!" Falman screamed. Their feet carried them as fast as they could, but Armstrong was still faster. Finally, the subordinates gave up. "There's no way we're gonna make it to that ferry." Falman said while trying to catch his breath. The three men doubled over in fatigue after their little jog. The world had spent too long in a state of peace and now Mustang's boys were out of shape and out of practice.

From their spot in the road, the men watched as Armstrong hurdled onto the ferry and it took off. Fuery pulled out a pair of binoculars from his pack, "Where do you think he's going?"

Breda let his head drop to his chest that was still heaving with exhaustion, "Who knows! Let me see those things." He snatched the binoculars from Fuery and took a look for himself. The bay wasn't that wide. If the boys were good enough, they might be able to swim, but none of them knew where to go after they made it to the other shore. Breda looked past the ferry and saw a mansion on a hill. He couldn't make out much about it other than there was definitely a party going on. All of the lights appeared to be on and there were many cars lined up in its driveway. "What do you guys make of that?"

Falman put his eyes to the binoculars and looked across the bay, "What's there to celebrate out here?"

"Don't tell me we're gonna investigate a party!" Fuery screeched. "It's just a party. My parents have one to celebrate their anniversary every year, you wouldn't bust that, would you?"

Falman gave the binoculars back to Fuery, "Come on, Fuery, you're a military dog under one of the greatest leaders of all time, hasn't he taught you to be a little more suspicious of things? Let's put things together: Mustang said he was going to stay behind, somewhere over there." Falman motioned to the city across the bay. "The whole city is dead quiet except for some ritzy place on the hill. Armstrong flips and goes across the bay too. Now, call me crazy, but don't you think it's at all possible that _our_ boys are at _that_ party. And of course I'd investigate your parents' anniversary. Something must be wrong with them to want to get together and create a runt like you." The joke was intended to be nothing more than a quip but it still stung.

"Fine," Fuery said after realizing he had lost, "but how do you suppose we make it over there?"

The answer was obvious and simple…_swim_.

Armstrong had been lucky to make it onto the ferry. The grueling swim that faced Mustang's boys was almost suicidal.

As soon as Armstrong made it aboard, he began pumping people for information. "Tell me, traveler, would you happen to know where the Sugiyama Estate is?" Armstrong asked a small girl leaning over the railing of the vessel. She pointed to the mansion across the bay. "Fuhrer Mustang, I shall be assisting you shortly!"

* * *

Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind / Because I've elected hell / Lying to myself / Why have I gone blind/ Live another life / You

* * *

"Sir, how exactly do you intend to get inside?" Havoc inquired as they neared the entrance to the mansion. Men dressed up in the finest of tuxedos and women wearing gowns of silk that flowed like oceans of purple and red from their bust line down to their feet piled into the large house.

"If we can't get in the front door, then we'll just have to sneak in the back." Though the line was cliché during moments like that, it always proved true. The chance of a soldier waltzing into any party unannounced was rare. Still, the chance of someone as famous as the Fuhrer himself walking in on your party unannounced was even rarer.

However, as they approached the entrance, Roy began to suspect that it might be easier than once thought. "This has got to be big if the Fuhrer is here," a woman in an emerald ball gown whispered to her partner. She slipped the doorman her invitation and was immediately let in.

Roy looked at Havoc. They weren't exactly dressed for the occasion. If truth be told, Roy would rather sneak in, but, if they could make it through the front door, they might as well. He didn't want to appear too conspicuous. _Showtime_, Roy thought as he now stood face to face with the doorman. "Good evening, Fuhrer Mustang."

Roy pretended to check his pockets. Havoc was a little skeptic at first, but then caught on. He too began searching his pockets. "Jean, I seemed to have misplaced my ticket, do you…"

The doorman put up his hand in apology as he interrupted Roy, "Go in, sir, Madam Sugiyama is expecting your company. She has arranged for you and your company to have private seats at the balcony" Roy nodded and Jean followed.

Inside was a zoo of debutantes and socialites. Roy spotted a few of the military's key financial supporters. It wouldn't be hard for him to fit in. "Sir, what's going on?"

"Not now, Havoc, find Hawkeye and get the hell out of here," Roy stated in an almost robotic tone.

"Are those my orders, sir?"

Roy noticed that Havoc had stopped and saluted him. "Yes, oh, and if you see Kimblee, run."

Before Havoc could inquire the implications of Roy's demands, Roy had started small talk with Yurshi Powers, a good friend of the military's. The conversation was quaint and was a good distraction. Roy gave Havoc the signal to flank out and look for Hawkeye.

Havoc brushed past the big shots and moneybags that crossed the large ballroom floor as if it were their own mansion. He had a blonde sharpshooter on his mind; consequently, everyone else in the room was unimportant.

However, Yurshi Powers was not one to be ignored. Roy had to sit still and listen to every word he said, which was good because the man had plans to discuss that deeply involved the military. "You know, Mustang, if this goes as planned the military will be moving in this direction." Roy nodded as if he knew what Yurshi spoke of. "All the big string pullers of the military are in on this, and don't think we won't cut funding if you go against us," Yurshi stated with a laugh, but Roy knew he wasn't kidding. Yurshi Powers never joked about money, and he would never joke about the military with the Fuhrer. "I'm telling you, Roy, we're moving into the future, and I'll be damned…"

Yurshi was interrupted by a voice that sent chills down Roy's spine as if someone had dropped a glacier down the small of his back, "Fuhrer Mustang, Madam Sugiyama would like to speak with you before the unveiling."

Roy tried his hardest to hide his hatred as he stared Zolf Kimblee in the eye. "Of course, Mr. Kimblee, lead the way. Mr. Powers, if you'll excuse me." Roy bowed to Yurshi and followed Kimblee up the stairs to a private room. Along the way he scanned the crowd for Havoc. _Dammit, Jean, where are you when I need you_, Roy curse in his head.

Kimblee brought Roy to a dark room at the top of the stairs. The only light came from a table lamp in the middle of the small space. As soon as the door clicked shut, a body was thrown down at Roy's feet. Havoc was tied at his ankles and wrists and his mouth was taped shut. It was one of the few times Havoc was without his cigarette, making the moment even worse for him. Roy put out his hand to snap and create a flame using his alchemy, but before he could go through the motions a voice broke the silence, "Not so fast, Fuhrer Mustang. You might miss and end your boy here." Bella glided out of the darkness in her black ball gown. With all of the black that filled the room, she almost seemed like a floating head.

"What's going on?" Roy demanded. "What are you going to do with us? And where's Riza?" Roy's shouting caused Bella to bring her palm to her forehead.

"Please, Fuhrer Mustang, shouting is so barbaric. Besides, that's no way to treat someone who's going to be doing you a favor."

Havoc squirmed and squealed, trying to bring attention to Kimblee who had swiftly moved behind Mustang to tie his wrists while removing his gloves to keep the Flame Alchemist from trying to retaliate. Next, he gave Roy a hard kick to the back of his legs, causing Roy to fall onto his knees. Kimblee stepped on Roy's calves with all his weight, bent over, and tied Roy at his ankles with another length of rope.

Roy rolled his eyes. He had left himself open and was now in the hands of the enemy. He somehow knew that this was the same way they had caught Havoc. _When we get out of this, the boys and I are training…a lot of training_, Roy thought. "Well, whoever you are, I'm sure I'd appreciate whatever you're doing here; however, if this is part of the process, we pass."

"My name is Bella Sugiyama," she stated as she lowered herself to his level. "You know what you and I have in common? We're both alchemists, and as alchemists we know that there is no greater feeling than the feeling of accomplishment. We don't need reason! We simply experiment just to know we can. I don't need to bring Maes Hughes back to life. He doesn't mean a thing to me, but I will do it to defy the gods and prove that I could!" A bead of sweat rolled down Bella's face. Her passionate speech shook her from the inside out, and she was sure it was doing the same for the others in the room.

"What the fuck do you know about Maes Hughes?" Roy screamed.

Bella slapped Roy hard across the face, "What did I tell you about shouting, Fuhrer Mustang? I'm going to bring your friend back to life."

There was a spark of hope deep within Roy. How many nights had he sat alone in his office with nothing but an empty bottle wishing that Maes was still alive to be there beside him, telling him that one day Roy would be fuhrer and that he would do anything to help him get there? "What's the catch here?"

"No catch," Bella declared while rubbing her hand and rising to her feet. "I just wanted to prove that I could. However, alchemy never goes without equivalent exchange, you know that." She clapped twice and the door that Roy and the others had previously entered through opened once again. Shall escorted a bound and gagged Riza into the room. When Hawkeye saw Roy, she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms, but she knew in their current situation, that would be physically impossible. For a silent moment that seemed to never end, Roy and Riza told each other all with their eyes.

_I'm so sorry. Don't hate me, Roy, I just want Hughes back._

_Riza, I don't know what they told you, but there's a catch here. Get out of here!_

_I'm sorry, Roy. This is what I want._

_Riza, please…_

Riza cut Roy off by closing her eyes tight, letting a single tear roll down her cheek.

Bella smiled at the scene. There was nothing more entertaining to her than the misery of others. "Well, Shall and I have to introduce the brains behind our little resurrection to the public. Shall, is Winry available?"

"She's waiting at The Gate," Shall said. "I'll bring the guests there. Winry is ready to explain the experiment. That should give Kimble time to…finish up here." Kimblee laughed. "Sister, shall we?" Shall extended an arm to his sister and the siblings left, leaving the room to Kimblee and his three military dogs.

"Well, I know I only need Roy alive for my scene in this little drama of ours, but dammit, I just can't bring myself to waste my homicidal talents on someone I haven't researched. No offense, Havoc, but you just never seemed that interesting," Kimblee said maliciously while taking off his jacket. He yanked off the tape from Riza's mouth and reapplied it Roy's. If truth be told, he couldn't care less if either of them talked. No amount of noise could distract him from his task at hand. "I knew I left that sketch book somewhere, and I was hoping you'd read it sooner or later. I figured you'd read it much earlier though. I didn't imagine it would take you this long, but I can't say I'm saddened by it. If you would have followed up on the men you helped kill, like a _good_ officer, then maybe Riza would have never found herself in such a precarious situation."

Riza looked in Roy's eyes and read his mind, "If you were killed, you'd be dead."

Kimblee chuckled loudly, "Well, Roy, I must say, how could you ever let a genius like this one go? 'If you were killed, you'd be dead?' Well that it is how it works, love!" He clenched Riza's face with his hands. The pain was excruciating but Riza showed no sign of anguish. "I know your records say I was exiled. And yet, no one said a word. God, doesn't anyone do their research around here? No, my dear Riza, I was killed, and if it makes you happy I _was_ dead. However, the Sugiyama's brought me back. Which is good because there are things that I left unfinished. Like you for instance. Now Riza, here's where I get my reward for all my hard work. You see, it wasn't easy getting that airhead, Winry, to fall into our trap. But then I just mentioned seeing those damn Elric's and she came dancing into our clutches, and when Bella asked me what I wanted in payment I had no clue. I mean, sure, money is fun for a while, but it just didn't satisfy me all that much. I wanted what I once had, I wanted fear. That's when you came to town, Riza."

"What do you plan to do with me?" Riza asked with gritted teeth.

"You're dying to find out, aren't you? You've been briefed; you know that to bring Hughes back you need to sacrifice all of your memories. Well, before you forget everything, shall we take a look back at what exactly you'll be forgetting?" Kimblee kicked Riza on the back of the legs the same way he had kicked Roy. He left a dirty shoe print on the back of her red ball gown, and she collapsed to her knees. Riza gazed with terror at Roy. His eyes were filled with rage and she knew she was partially the cause. "Not yet, my pet." He crossed over to Havoc and pulled him to his knees. Kimblee turned Riza's head for her to face Havoc. The force from his hands made her feel like her neck was on the verge of snapping. "First we have our old friend, Jean Havoc, the epitome of a military dog. He does what he's told when he's told. If you say jump, he jumps without having to ask how high. But what's inside the mind of a man like this? Well, he's forever playing second place to that shit stain over there, including with women like you, Hawkeye. Yes, while your prancing on the heals of your Fuhrer, Havoc over here is waiting in the background for you to think twice of him. Unfortunately, Jean, you're just too well off. You see, this little slice of heaven is only attracted to the bad boy. She's only attracted to a fixer-upper like Roy." Again Kimblee kicked Riza, this time toward Roy. Her eyes were downcast and she could feel Havoc's embarrassment. "If I told you the torment this woman endures daily from you, it would make you puke, Mustang. Which is why I won't spare the details. Let me start by saying she was always just waiting for that one fight you wouldn't make it back from. She would jump at any bullet just to be near you, but all you could see was another cog in your war machine. But let's not overlook the sexual tension she suffered. Can you imagine having to look at forbidden fruit every day of your life? And just when she thought she had escaped you, Roy, she found she could not. Sometimes, I sneak into her room and watch her sleep. I watch her toss and turn as she breathlessly screams 'Roy! Oh, Roy!' into an empty bedroom." Kimblee pressed his lips to her ears and whispered, "Why not give us a demonstration, pet?" His voice felt like fire in her ear. Riza twisted her head around and spat directly on Kimblee's face. Saliva dribbled down his cheek, but he knew he still had the upper hand. After all, he was the only one who wasn't tied up. Kimblee retaliated by planting a firm hand across Riza's face. "Come on, Riza. Think of it this way, once we awaken Hughes, you won't remember your feelings for this man; you won't even remember _him_. You want revenge for all the years he chose random one night stands over the love of a lifetime? Tell him!" Again Kimblee slapped Riza, this time much harder. "_Tell him_!" Riza stood her ground silently while refusing to make eye contact. "I suppose I could use a little more leverage in this situation." Kimblee pulled out his side arm and pointed it Havoc, "Now, give our Fuhrer a demonstration."

Reluctant tears began flowing from Riza's eyes. "Roy! Roy! Oh Roy!" Riza screamed at the top of her lungs.

"You're going to have to sound a little more desperate than that, pet. I don't think Mustang can hear the lonely nights quite well enough. He can't hear your footsteps to your empty apartment. He can't hear all those thankless nights after you saved his ass."

"Roy! Roy! Oh Roy!" Her voice was breaking and her lungs were gasping for air. Roy couldn't bare the sound of her misery and anguish. He couldn't even count how many times he had wished he could have Riza Hawkeye sweating, breathing hard, and screaming his name, but this wasn't what he imagined in the least. And to have the cause of all this being his new arch enemy was nauseating. But the more she was forced to scream his name, the more reasons he had to place more bullets in Kimblee's head.

Kimblee could see the unfiltered rage in Mustang's dark eyes. "Don't worry, Roy, there's more where that came from. Riza, you won't remember _any_ of this; however, our brave soldiers definitely will. So, let's give them something to remember." Kimblee ran his tattooed hand up Riza's back and rested it gently on the zipper to her dress. After making Riza well aware that he had a gun still pointed at her friend's head, he pulled the small piece of metal slowly toward its starting position. "Sweetheart," he began whispering in Riza's ear, "would you help me take this off, I'm afraid one of my hands is a little occupied." Riza slipped a hand under the strap of her dress and brushed it off her shoulder then repeated the process on the other side. Slowly, the silk barrier that separated Riza's personal assets from the viewing pleasure of three men in the room fell toward her hips. The undiscovered land that was her breasts was still well out of sight because of her black lace bra that kept them trapped. Silently she prayed that Kimblee's fingers wouldn't trace up her back and unhinge it as well. Instead, Kimblee lowered his lips to the top of her left breast and kissed it softly, giving it a quick lick before bringing his head up. "Oh, Roy, Jean, you've got to try this."

* * *

The only way out is letting your guard down / And never die forgotten / Forgive me my love / I stand here all alone and I can see the bottom

* * *

A Munich Street Corner on the Other Side of The Gate

* * *

Colonel Jean Havoc stood on the corner waiting for Hughes to come with the report. The war was slowly escalating and Havoc felt as if his morals were being tested. He had been asked to take families into the 'care' of the military, and so far he had been noticing that they all had been of Jewish descent. However, this Jean Havoc, similar to the Jean Havoc on the other side of The Gate, did not question orders.

"Havoc, we found her," Hughes shouted as he crossed the street.

"Hughes, the German military isn't in the business of shouting classified information through the streets." Havoc used a harsh tone, but Hughes knew he wasn't angry. Havoc pulled a match from his pocket and lit up another cigarette. "How's your fiancé?"

Hughes quickly saluted and answered, "It's a whirlwind romance, Havoc. I can't believe I took this long to…"

Havoc put up a hand to interrupt him. "I was just making small talk, Hughes, keep your love life to yourself. Where is she?"

"A personal friend of mine, Edward Elric, took her into her care recently. He's investigating her condition."

* * *

Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind / Because I've elected hell / Lying to myself / Why have I gone blind/ Live another life / You"

- Breaking Benjamin

* * *

Well, it's not hard to tell that you're all pretty confused as to what's going on, right? Well me too! Just kidding. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease review! It would be most appreciated. 


	5. Blue and Yellow

A/N: To my dearest readers, in this chapter we will do the normal thing, but the next chapter is from a first person view going over what happened and exploring their feelings. Throughout my story, this will happen quite a few times with different characters. I just thought I'd warn you. So, if you read this chapter and go "What is Roy _thinking!_" read the next chapter and you will know. Oh! And the next two chapters will make it appear that Roy and Riza hate each other, but, I promised this was Roy x Riza, and so it shall be, but right now, we're building the drama, so hold your darn horses. By the way, I do not own FMA.

* * *

"And it's all in how you mix the two / And it starts just where the light exists / It's a feeling that you cannot miss / It burns a hole through everyone that feels it

* * *

The Sugiyama Estate

* * *

Kimblee let his finger rest on the clasp to Riza's bra. The humiliation was building within Riza. The only thing keeping her going was the thought that when this was over Mustang would have Hughes back and she wouldn't remember a thing, or so she was promised. 

Just as Riza felt the material binding her upper body loosen from behind, there was a knock at the door. "Damn," Kimblee whispered. "I'm afraid it's time for our show to begin." Kimblee stood up and tried to shake off the arousal that had been coursing throughout his body. "By the way, my little blonde whore, you might want to get dressed before heading out."

The tears had finally stopped leaking from Riza's amber eyes, but only because they had been replaced by a towering inferno. Her only wish was that she could release it all onto Kimblee for shaming her so mercilessly. She wanted to use his skull as target practice, and when she was done, mount it on her mantel to use as an ash try for guests who smoked. She prayed that after all her memories were gone, someone would remind her that Kimblee was evil incarnate and deserved nothing more than unadulterated pain.

Kimblee crossed over to the door and let Shall and one of his helpers enter. Shall was always the lighter of the two Sugiyama's, but insanity and sadism still coursed through the family's veins. "Here's how this works," Shall began. "I can't necessarily point a gun at your head Roy and say, 'Do what I want or I'll kill you,' because you'll try to be the hero and sacrifice yourself. But if my sister finds out that her party is wrecked, it'll be more than just the Fuhrer with a bullet in his head. So, I'm going to point my gun at your friend here and try it again: Do what I tell you or I'll kill him. As for your friend, _my_ friend behind me will point a gun at you, Mustang, and tell him the same. Get how it works?" Shall and his escort bent over and started untying Mustang and Havoc. As told, the two soldiers complied to their own chagrin.

Once the tape was removed from Roy's mouth, he turned his attention over to Kimblee. The fury and rage that laced his voice as he spoke palpitated with the heart beats of everyone in the room to the point where it became part of the blood that ran through the veins of all in the vicinity. "Kimblee, you sick bastard, if it's the last thing I do, I will fucking destroy you," Roy spat.

"Easy there, Fuhrer Hot Head, not in front of a lady, if she can still be considered that," Kimblee stated in reply. "Now, my dear, let's get going." Kimblee looped his arm under Riza's and lead her down toward the Sugiyama's private theater. It was the only place private that was large enough to contain The Gate.

* * *

Well you're never gonna find it / If you're looking for it / Won't come your way yeah / Well you'll never find it / If you're looking for it

* * *

The Theater

* * *

The stage was set up with two chairs in the middle and all the spotlights pointed at them. In one, Riza was forced to sit down by Kimblee. After, he took his spot off to the side of the stage with Bella Sugiyama. Riza was happy to finally be rid of him and his torture. Next, two men carried in Hughes body. Last, Winry entered wearing an elegant black ball gown, a gift from Bella. It was scary to see how slowly Winry was turning into Bella. From lack of sleep and nutrients, the glow in Winry's skin had dimmed down, making her appear almost as pale as her once dead friend. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you could all simmer down. I've explained to you how things will be going down tonight, all that's left is our demonstration. Coroner Valance, if you could please come to the stage and inspect Mr. Hughes." 

A man in his mid forties slowly crept onto the stage. He looked like someone Bella would get along with. Though he wasn't that old, his hair was already an eerie silver tone. His metallic eyes matched the thick hair perfectly. His clothing choice was reminiscent of a mourner at a funeral. Riza guessed it was due to the morbidity of his career.

He stood next to Hughes' corpse and waved to the audience. "Coroner Valance," Winry began, "is this man dead?" Valance laid his cold hand on Hughes' neck and checked his pulse. After confirming that there was no pulse, he nodded at Winry. "Very good then, you may return to your seat."

Riza sat quietly watching the scenes play out before her. Was Winry acting? Or had she changed so much during her quest to open the gate? Whatever it was, the innocence in Winry's eyes had all but disappeared. Her voice was cold, as cold as the lifeless man that sat beside her. Riza took a second to look at Hughes. The more she looked at him, the more she was determined to follow through with her plan to bring him back. Those eyes that were always there to greet her happily on her way to the office were closed tight. That voice that was always there to update the men of the military on Elysia's every move was silenced.

It was Bella's turn to take the stage. As she walked toward Riza, she recalled all the lies she had told in the past few days:

1) She told Winry that none of it could be done without her research, when all of it had been discovered by herself years before.

2) She told Riza that once everything was done, she could start over fresh with her new life, but she intended to let Kimblee take care of her.

3) She told Winry that once the gate was open, she would bring back the Elric's because she was the only one who would walk between the worlds freely, but she actually planned on going through and finding Julia.

4) She told the military's financial aids that they would be researching reanimation for the military; however, she knew that once Hughes was brought back to life, no one would remember he was ever dead. Then, Kimblee would kill Hawkeye, leading the spectators to believe that Winry's real experiment was to bring Hawkeye back to life, and she failed, making her look like nothing but a fanatical loon who had gone grave robbing. Then, Kimblee would dispose of the body through The Gate, Winry would be put in jail, no one would remember a thing about Riza or that night except that Winry was a loon, and Bella Sugiyama would be long gone on the other side of The Gate where she could finish her search for Julia Kimblee.

Bella waved to the audience. _Showtime_. Winry gave Bella a felt tipped marker. With great skill, Bella began tracing the transmutation circle onto Riza's chest above the top of her dress.

Once the circle was drawn, time sped up. Riza watched as things happened in quick flashes, as if she were a celebrity caught in a storm of paparazzi.

_Flash_. Bella placed her hand on the circle.

_Flash_. Riza slowly forgot _everything_.

_Flash_. Who she was.

_Flash_. Where she was.

_Flash_. The people around her.

_Flash_. Hughes' eyes flitted open and looked around.

_Flash_. Kimblee slipped behind Riza and stabbed his knife right into the back of her.

_Flash_. Riza's body went numb from pain and her eyes slowly closed.

_Flash_. The crowd grew furious.

_Flash_. Winry tried her hardest to calm everyone down.

_Flash_. Havoc and Mustang made their move during all of the confusion to make it down to the stage and get Hawkeye and Hughes out while they still could.

_Flash_. A large gate appeared in a flash of light.

_Flash_. Kimblee put Riza over his shoulder and brought her to The Gate.

_Flash_. Bella threw The Gate open and was immediately pulled through by thousands of tiny black hands.

_Flash_. Kimblee again took out his knife and cut a thin red slice down from the bottom of Riza's neck down to the bottom of her navel.

_Flash_. The tiny hands came back and pulled Riza's body through.

* * *

Should've done something / But I've done it enough / By the way your hands were shaking / Rather waste some time with you

* * *

The Elric's House (At the same time the demonstration had begun)

* * *

"Pull everything out, Leni. I'm tired of trying to solve this," Ed said while throwing his notebook to the floor. He had tried everything to figure out Riza's condition. It was hopeless, nothing was going to cure her. It was time to give up on her. 

Leni began pulling out Riza's life support, but Alphonse put out his hand to stop her, "Try alchemy, brother."

"It's no use, Al, alchemy doesn't work on this side."

Al looked at the transmutation circle in wonder. "Then why is this circle here? What have you got to lose?"

Edward rolled his eyes and Leni watched in amazement. Her father had tried explaining the rumors about alchemy he had heard to his daughter, but nothing could make her a believer but the real thing, and this was the real thing. As soon as Edward's fingers sat down on Riza's wound, the circle lit up and filled the room with a terrifying blue glow.

A tornado of blue light and noises filled the room. Edward could swear he heard screaming and gunshots, but after a while all he could hear was Riza's horrified ear-piercing screeching.

_Flash_. Riza was alive.

"Where am I?" she shouted. The voice was harsh and angry.

"Where am I?" she asked again, this time in a softer voice.

"Do I know you?" Riza questioned in the harsh tone while glaring at Edward who still had his hand on her chest.

"I feel like I know you." Riza said in the softer tone while looking deep into Edward's eyes.

* * *

And you never would have thought it in the end / How amazing it feels just to live again / It's a feeling that you cannot miss / It burns a hole through everyone that feels it

* * *

Gracia's House On the Other Side of The Gate (At the same time the demonstration had begun)

* * *

"That was wonderful, Gracia, thank you so much," Hughes said while laying his napkin down on his plate. This was his last chance to visit his fiancée before he left on another mission. 

It was quiet for a minute and Hughes could tell that Gracia was thinking of the right words to say. Finally, after a long awkward silence, they came, "Maes, I don't want you to go. I don't want you to get involved in any of this. I just…I couldn't imagine what it would be like…having to go to your funeral." The irony was that on the other side of the gate Gracia Hughes had been to her husband's funeral, and it had saddened her to the pits of her soul.

Maes crossed the room to stand at her side. She was sitting at the dining table with her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. He grabbed a box from his back pocket and got down on one knee, "I know this is a little late, but I was running a little broke that night I asked you to marry me." Maes opened the box to display the most amazing ruby ring Gracia had ever seen. "I know it's not an engagement diamond, but it's something physical to commemorate us while I'm gone." Gracia wouldn't have cared if it were just a volcano rock (A/N: haha, a RIZA:P) taped to a piece of wire, she finally had an engagement ring.

The ruby mesmerized and captivated her like nothing else. The depth of the color made her feel like she had been immersed in a pool of crimson water. "I love it, Maes. But where did you get this…Maes?"

Maes had doubled over in a shocking pain. All of the sudden his heart felt like it were being ripped from his chest. "Gracia…I think…I'm having…a heart…attack." Gracia quickly got up and ran toward the phone, but Hughes grabbed her ankle. "No…there's no time. Gracia…I…love you…so much. And I can't…imagine…dying…without telling you…that."

"Help!" Gracia began screaming, hoping the neighbors would hear her. But as she looked down at her fiancée writhing in agony before her, she knew she was too late. "I love you too, Maes."

_Flash_. Maes was dead.

Gracia repeatedly checked his pulse, not wanting to believe that the man that took her so long to find was gone.

* * *

Well you're never gonna find it / If you're looking for it / Won't come your way yeah / Well you'll never find it / If you're looking for it

* * *

The Hughes' Household (The day after)

* * *

As soon as the large oak front door swung open, Elysia ran from her mom's side to the entryway. Gracia had been patching up one of Elysia's favorite jumpers that had gotten ripped when Elysia tried flying by jumping off a swing at the peak of its arch. 

"See, I told you, mommy, daddy was gonna come home," Elysia said in her high pitched voice as she hugged her father around the legs. Maes bent over and patted her on the head.

As soon as he got the chance to set his briefcase down, Maes instinctively pulled out the toy he picked up for his little girl. Elysia didn't even need to ask if he brought her home something, it was required of him to bring a toy if he was going to be gone for more than two days. Elysia thanked her dad and flopped down on the floor at his feet and began playing with her new doll. "What's she talking about, Gracia? You been telling my kid I wasn't coming home?" Maes asked jokingly.

Gracia shrugged and ran into the arms of her husband, "I have no idea, Maes. However, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, _husband_." Gracia stood on her tiptoes to plant a welcome home kiss on her husband, but it quickly escalated to a where-have-you-been-all-my-life-kiss. Gracia greedily shoved her tongue into his mouth and began exploring it as if she hadn't done so in years. Hughes, of course, responded with the same vivacity and emotion. But something was wrong and he caught himself thinking _I'm married to Gracia, this must be a dream._ His eyes shot open at the thought and he stopped kissing. "Is something wrong, sweetie?"

"It's probably nothing."

Hughes quickly got back to where he left off, but he was once again interrupted. Elysia tugged on his trousers from her spot on the floor with her new doll. "Daddy! Guess what happened today!"

Maes knelt down to her and smiled. It was hard being one man and having two women constantly vying for his attention. But Gracia knew that as the mom she would have to wait, and then the wife could have him later. "What's up, princess?" he asked her.

Elysia pointed to the photo on the other side of the room. It was a photo from the Eastern Office's Christmas party. Gracia had tried her hardest to get everyone in the photo. Havoc stood in front of the Christmas tree with his hand around Hughes' and Fuery's shoulder. Riza stood on one side of Fuery with Black Hayate wearing a Santa cap, Falman knelt on the floor in front of Havoc, and Breda knelt next to him. Mustang; however, was slumped over on the couch dead asleep in the very left corner of the photo. Looking at the photo now, Riza was missing. "Hawky disappeared from the picture," Elysia said in a very matter-of-fact tone.

"Hawky?"

Elysia nodded. Her little pigtails danced up and down with her head. "Yeah, the one with yellow hair!"

Maes finally realized who she was talking about, "Sweetheart, Winry was never in that picture." Maes' tone went from the high pitched daddy voice to the low toned serious tone he used when speaking of military business, which triggered Gracia to listen closely. "Speaking of Winry, there was quite a shake up with her during that mission I was on. I'll tell you about it upstairs."

Gracia shook her head at the thought. "No, _sir_, when we get upstairs we are getting you out of that uniform and you are performing your duties as a husband."

* * *

Should've done something / But I've done it enough / By the way your hands were shaking / Rather waste some time with you

* * *

Central Headquarters

* * *

Roy knew it would be hard to testify against a friend. If Edward knew that Roy was going to have point the finger at Winry, he'd probably strangle the arrogance out of him. Even though Roy knew Edward was long gone and there was no chance of that happening, guilt still piled in his gut, and the only cure for a guilty gut was a good bottle of whiskey. 

Once the alcohol set it, there was nothing left to do but sleep off the thought of the night before. Winry apparently had some sort of mental breakdown, caused a public disturbance, and was put away in jail for a few weeks. He knew it wasn't a big enough of a crime to get her put away for that long, but the people who vouched for her arrest were the country's string pullers and wanted to see her behind bars. The most Mustang could remember about that night was something about Winry going crazy, Hughes being there, though he didn't recall asking for back up, and Kimblee sneaking out the back door. Armstrong came just in time to catch Kimblee. Kimblee had been in violation of his exile. The conditions were that he stayed in a certain proximity to his home, and he was way out of bounds. A few hours later, the rest of Mustang's men showed up, soaking wet, but in the knick of time. The party had turned on Winry and it was getting out of hand. The paperwork that had piled up from that night would take him days to go through, and he still had to go to Winry's trial, and he had to figure out what to do about Kimblee violating his exile terms. However, if that paperwork sat unfinished for too long, his Lieutenant, Jean Havoc, would have a field day on him, even though Havoc was just as lazy.

Once Roy had successfully fallen asleep and shaved off the days stress, he found himself in a peculiar dream.

_Roy was leaning over a balcony of an extravagant house that he could almost remember. He could feel the cool air surround his skin and sweep his dark hair across his face. He caught his reflection in the pool that sat under the balcony. He was around eighteen. Before long, another face joined him in the reflection. She was the most beautiful women he had ever seen. She wasn't that much shorter than he was, but with her long blonde hair and gorgeous amber eyes, his perfect opposite, he had to have her. But the way she spoke to him told him somehow that he already did, "My dad's gonna kill you if he finds out you climbed up here again. But I'm glad I got to see you before you went off for training." Roy went to speak but she put her finger to his lip. "Don't ruin this for me. I know I won't get to see you for a long time. Just so you know, my dad thinks you're the best alchemist he's ever trained. I just wanted you to know that you finally won him over. So…maybe…if you don't get yourself killed…you could come back and see me." She removed her finger and replaced it with her lips. The kiss felt wonderful. Her mouth was warm and visions of sitting in front of a fireplace danced in his head as her tongue danced in his mouth._

_But he had to break it. His manhood was cursing him, but Roy couldn't take it any longer. If he was going to have a whirlwind teenage romance, even if it was a dream, he had to know, "Who are you?"_

Roy woke up a second later trying to fall back to sleep. But it was no use. He had somehow woke himself from his magnificent dream, and there was no going back. At least, not tonight.

* * *

Should've said something / But I've said it enough / By the way my words were faded / Rather waste some time with you."--The Used

* * *

So this chapter is el done-o…yeah that's not real Spanish and is probably offense to anyone with eyes, but you know what, not everyone can be a genius. So, I bet you're wondering why I'm underling things, well it's because there are two different souls in one body in some cases and I need to differentiate between the people. You'll get used to it. Also, I bet you're wondering how Havoc got promoted to lieutenant so quickly. Put it together, dummies, just kidding, I love you all...seriously. So the next chapter is pretty much this one again, but from Roy's perspective. It'll be sweeeeeet. Please review!!! 


	6. My Black Dahlia

A/N: For the record loves, this is one of my all time new favorite songs EVER! LISTEN TO IT! Okay, I'm done. This is that chapter I warned you about. It's the same chapter just from Roy's perspective. It's a lot shorter, but read it anyway if you'd like. By the way, I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or this song by Hollywood Undead that you should listen which is called My Black Dahlia.

* * *

"I loved you / You made me / Hate me / You gave me / Hate / See / It saved me and these tears are deadly / You feel that/ I rip back / Every time you tried to steal that / You feel bad/ You feel sad/ I'm sorry / Hell no / Fuck that!

* * *

I wanted to look at her so badly and tell her with my eyes that I would save her, but my head…I just couldn't lift it.

_Do you think I'm a coward, Riza? It wouldn't be the first time I've wondered if you thought that. How many times after Ishbal did you find me in my room trying my hardest to pull that trigger? Why you stopped me, I'll never know. _

_Did you love me? If you did, why didn't you tell me? I know that if you did you would have told me, that's the kind of woman you are. You always tell me what you're thinking. That's one of the reasons I wanted you working under me. You'd always tell me when I was fucking things up. _

_And now you just sit there silent! What's that tell me! That tells me I'm doing nothing wrong, that this is what you want. Can you see the anger in my eyes, Riza? It's because you're not saying anything! It's telling me this is what you want, but I just can't believe you. _

_I know you think that I want to see Hughes again, and I do, but not at this price. I would never sacrifice you to someone like Kimblee…or anyone for that matter. Don't you believe that? Did I ever give you reason to think this was okay?_

_His hands are touching you in places that I had always dreamed of touching you. His mouth is following close behind. And you still sit there saying nothing! _

_And now he tells me that you've loved me for so long, and yet you said nothing. Are the only things you can tell me are my wrongs? Would you tell me your feelings? Is that why you're not talking? My eyes can only say so much. _

_I want to cry. I see you crying. But as the man in the situation I can't. You don't know how much it hurts me to see you like this, exposed and quiet. Every time I see you you're angry at me and reserved. You must think I'm crazy to love someone who only sends me orders and her anger, but God if I don't find that anger the most beautiful thing about you. I don't know your reason for hanging around, but I'd like to think it's because you care. Like a mother, you only yell at me to get it through to me that you're worried about me._

_But what hurts most is that I couldn't hear how much you truly loved me from you. That's all I've ever really wanted. I could be Fuhrer, I could be a colonel, I could be a hobo on the streets of Lior, so long as I knew you loved me and I heard it from your lips, that was enough._

_But it's too late now._

* * *

It was my heart / It was my life / It was my start / It was your knife / This strife it dies / This life and these lies / And these lungs have sung this song for too long / And it's true I hurt too / Remember I loved you!

* * *

As I caught eyes with Kimblee, I could tell he thought he won. He violated the one thing that I saw as untouchable and glorified, leaving a greasy smear across her porcelain record. I wanted to kill him so badly. It pained me to know how easy it was to kill Kimblee, and yet have it so out of reach.

As he ripped the tape off of my mouth I knew no amount of my words could get across to him the deep seeded loathing I felt in my heart for him. But I tried anyway.

"Kimblee, you sick bastard, if it's the last thing I do, I will fucking destroy you," I screamed.

At least announcing to the room how I felt about him took some of the tension off my shoulders. There was something about the way a man said _fuck_ that just slightly eased some of the anger in his heart. It was just a word that dripped with resentment, which was about where I was at the moment.

But before I could say anything else, I was taken to the theater by yet another man I would have loved to kick the crap out of. The guy was tall and skinny. It would be so easy to kill this douche bag. I wouldn't even need to use alchemy, I could just toss him over my knee and snap him in half.

I quickly learned his identity, Shall Sugiyama. I would never forget his name. He made his way to my hit list just be existing on the wrong team at this point in time. Wrong move, scrawny.

* * *

I've lost it all / Fell today / It's all the same / I'm sorry / I'm sorry no / And I've been abused / I feel so used / Because of you / I'm sorry / I'm sorry no

* * *

Shall proved to be just as arrogant as Kimblee. He didn't seem to understand that with every word he used to try and scare me, I was just adding reasons I had to destroy him when I got out of his clutches.

"You know Kimblee's going to kill your little friend," Shall whispered in my ear, but I was sure Havoc could hear him. I could see the concern grow on Havoc's face.

But I had just the thing to reassure him, "That's funny you should say that because I was just thinking about how I'm going to kill Kimblee. Then I'm going to kill you. Then I'm going to kill your sister. Then, if there's time left, I will kill everyone who helped you set this little operation up."

Shall laughed a little at the thought. "Please, Fuhrer Mustang, once my sister activates the transmutation circle, Riza Hawkeye will be killed. We gave Kimblee strict orders to do so."

It was Havoc's turn to laugh, "I guess it's lucky for Hawkeye that Kimblee isn't exactly the model soldier."

"How's that?" Shall asked while forcing Havoc and I into our seats in the east balcony. I had a perfect view of the Sugiyama's little freak show. I wanted nothing more than to toast all the guards, run down to the stage, grab Hawkeye, and get the hell out of that place. Unfortunately, I was bound by friendship to stay there. If I moved, they'd kill Havoc, and I couldn't live with that death on my conscience too. He had been like a brother to me. And I knew he was thinking the same thing.

"Don't you know anything? He's the Crimson Alchemist, and a renegade alchemist at that," Havoc answered. "How long until he turns on you and unleashes his specialty on both you and your sister?"

Shall shuddered a little even though Havoc was using his normal nonchalant voice, "Specialty?"

I pretended to laugh even though the thought of Kimblee's specific form of alchemy made me want to vomit, "Yeah, he turns people into human bombs."

* * *

I wish I could have quit you / I wish I never missed you / And told you that I loved you every time I fucked you / The future that we both drew / And all the shit we've been through / Obsessed with the thought of you / The pain just grew and grew

* * *

From my seat at the balcony, I watched them bring in my best friend…my comrade…my brother…Maes Hughes. I remember helping carry the casket. And now I felt like my attempt to give him his rest was in vein. Again I was overcome with the need to vomit. The thought of someone who probably never knew how amazing and loyal a friend Hughes was carrying his body was revolting.

The only thing that kept me from surprising Havoc's lap with everything I ate that morning was the beauty that sat at Hughes' side. It did seem like an inopportune time for musing over sweet memories, but seeing Hawkeye in that ball gown in that soft light, I couldn't help but remember the last time I saw her like that.

* * *

How could you do this to me/ Look at what I made for you / It never was enough / The world is what I gave to you / I used to be love struck / Now I'm just fucked up / Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of our cuts!

* * *

_My palms were sweating profusely. Having an overly extravagant dinner with your teacher was one thing. Having an overly extravagant dinner with your secret lover who was the granddaughter of that teacher was another thing. And, of course, having an overly extravagant dinner with both your teacher and your secret lover who was the granddaughter of that teacher was an extremely different thing. The tuxedo that I had been forced to wear felt like a straight jacket. The collar itched, was too tight, and was too high. And whoever invented the bowtie needed to be strung up by his groin area with a one. But, it was my last night before going off to the academy for training and my teacher had invited me to dinner with his family. I wasn't worried about winning over General Grumman, my instructor. He already loved me and I was his protégé. However, his son, Riza's father, hated me so much that every time I saw him my voice went up three registers and the only words I could muster saying were, "Hi, sir," "No, sir," and, "Shutting up, sir." The fact that he had caught me wooing his number one girl didn't help either. Since then he has referred to me as the following: The Playboy Alchemist, The Grab-Hands Alchemist, and Get The Hell Out of My House. The last one is usually followed by him throwing something expensive and fragile at me, which I receive the bill for in the mail shortly after. But usually, he just called me a girl's name._

_I sat down at the long oak table next to General Grumman, just to be safe. In front of me were three different types of plates, two different types of bowels, and about ten different types of silverware. Luckily, there was only one type of napkin, and I knew where that went. As soon as I was seated, Mr. Hawkeye greeted me with his usual disdain, "Well, it's good to see you again, The Don Juan Alchemist."_

_I smiled stiffly and replied, "That's a new one, sir." The comment got a laugh out of Grumman, an eye roll out of Riza, and a sneer out of her father. "Thank you for welcoming me into your lovely home, sir. I appreciate this."_

_The servers brought out our first meal. It looked like someone added parsley bits and barley to chicken broth. If this is what rich people ate, I'd be a hobo any day. Mr. Hawkeye took a whiff of the soup and looked at the server, "This smells excellent, Franzio, compliments to the chef." Then he turned his gaze to me. I recognized that look, absolute hatred. "Now, Joy, what time will you be leaving for the academy tomorrow?"_

_Oh look, I thought, he's calling me a girl's name, how original. "Quite early, sir. Around three in the morning."_

_Riza swallowed a spoonful of soup. God, she even looked beautiful when she ate. The way her luscious lips wrapped around the cool metal of the utensil sent shivers down my spine, the good kind of shivers. Once she swallowed, she patted her mouth dry with her napkin and laid it back softly on her lap. "Daddy, why doesn't Joy…I mean Roy just stay the night here. That way he doesn't have to get up so early to catch a train."_

_Grumman patted me on the shoulder. The man was old, but he still packed a punch. It felt like he was trying to dislocate my shoulder. "That's a spot on idea, Elizabeth, and that way I can tell him more stories about the academy. First day hazings, I can still feel the wedgies." (A/N: Let's face it, this can't be so darn serious!)  
_

_Nobody said a word. We all just waited for Mr. Hawkeye's response. Dinner had been served. Dessert had been devoured. And we were all still waiting in silence. _

_Finally, after what seemed like decades, Mr. Hawkeye got up from the table. Instinctively, everyone else at the table, besides Grumman, got up as well. "Roy," he began. He said my name! Ugh, but the way he said it! He sounded like a pirate who was going down with his sinking ship and cursing the man who sunk it in the first place. "You may sleep in the guest wing." As he passed me by on his way out of the dining room, he whispered in my ear, "I swear to God, Roy, if I ever catch you near my daughter again, I'll kill you. The only reason I celebrate your acceptance to the academy is because with you gone the chances of Elizabeth getting pregnant with you devil seed are at zero, which is the way it should be."_

_It was going to be the last time I ever saw that asshole's smug face. It was my time to make him aware of my feelings for him. "Sir, with all due respect, your daughter is old enough to choose for herself. And by the way, we made out on your bed once." Mr. Hawkeye stormed off angrily. It felt good knowing that I had the last word, but I knew that last comment just put me on his hit list as enemy number one. So what, I knew I was never going to see him again. But a part of me also knew that I was never going to see Riza again. I went from being at an all time high to an all time low._

_Once her father was out of the room, Riza and I bowed to her grandfather, and she led me outside toward the guest wing. "What did he say to you, Joy?" she asked with a laugh._

_Her hand felt warm in mine. I finally knew what it felt like to be a key, with the right lock, everything just fit perfectly. "You know, that's the closest he's ever been to my real name?" I looked up at the night sky. With every star I saw, it made the chances of me looking up at night sky while I was at the academy and being under one of our stars even greater. But there was one that stood out. There were two that seemed apart from all the other stars. In the back of my adolescent mind I saw it as Riza and I, and the other stars being her psychotic father and everyone else who told me that a no good state alchemist hopeful had no place courting an heiress like Elizabeth Hawkeye. I was so childish back then. If I had only known that I would grow up to be the apple of every girl's eye, I probably wouldn't have wasted time on a girl like Hawkeye._

_What am I thinking, of course I would have!_

"_Well, your father told me he'd kill me. So, the usual." Riza giggled. She had such an innocent and beautiful giggle. It was musical, and to think that one of my offhand sarcastic remarks had caused it made the doves of my heart sore throughout my body. God, she turned me into such a pansy. But all that giggle ever made me want to do was be as offhand and sarcastic as I could possibly be to make sure I could hear that giggle every second of everyday. Maybe that's part of the reason I turned out the way I did. "Your father hates me, you know that, right?"_

_Hawkeye pulled me to her by my bowtie that I had untied the second I made it out of eyeshot of Mr. Hawkeye. God bless bowties! She placed a light kiss on my lips, but it quickly intensified and soon my tongue knew what it felt like to be a spoonful of soup. Yup, I was a pansy, and somehow I knew no girl would ever make me feel like that again. And it was true, sure girls filled the voids during the lonely nights that filled my life, but no girl ever made my hands feel like keys, my tongue feel like a soup spoon, and the doves in my heart fly free. A part of me was glad I'd never have those sorts of tingles and jingles again, but I couldn't help but miss her warmth. _

"_Roy," she said while keeping her lips to mine. It made all the words she said that much more valuable to me. "If my father liked you, I wouldn't." She planted another quick kiss on my cheek and gave me what I saw as the invitation of a lifetime, "Come to my balcony tonight." As an eighteen year old boy who was going off to a strictly male populated academy for the next few years, I couldn't help but imagine what the night had in store for me._

* * *

I've lost it all / Fell today / It's all the same / I'm sorry / I'm sorry no / And I've been abused / I feel so used / Because of you / I'm sorry / I'm sorry no

* * *

And now I sat with my dilemma, was seeing Hughes again really worth losing those memories?

But then I caught myself thinking of memories I wish she'd forget, knowing I broke her heart more than once, she deserved to forget me. She deserved a fresh start. She deserved a new life, one Roy Mustang free. One where she didn't remember a dark haired man who chose random one night stands over true love.

* * *

Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest / And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound / Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest / And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down."

--Hollywood Undead

* * *

Okay, so there was a good dose of comedy in here, but I figured after so many chapters of Kimblee's A1 creepiness, we need some cheerup, even if it ended on a sad note. Keep reading! I promise it'll only keep getting better. I love all those who love me! Please review! 


	7. All Around Me

A/N: To the following awesome people who reviewed (Your favourite plushie, Kusagi, and Azilie) I love you. I can just end the chapter on that :P. Anyways, yet another chapter from yours truly. Hopefully, readers are enjoying, if not, please feel free to tell me in the form of a fist to the face.

* * *

"My hands are searching for you / My arms are outstretched towards you / I feel you on my fingertips / My tongue dances behind my lips for you / This fire runs in through my being / Burning, I'm not used to seeing you / I'm alive / I'm alive

* * *

The Elric's Home

* * *

Daybreak finally struck through the windows of the Elric's home, but Edward hadn't slept a wink that whole night. He could only stare at his hands, wondering what happened. It was safe to say that something strange was going on with Riza. Her voice would go from soft to harsh in an instant, as if she couldn't make up her mind on how she felt about things. The soft voice felt so familiar to him, which was the Riza he remembered from the other side of The Gate. Sure, she could be stern, but it was still a soft voice. He tried explaining things to her the night she woke up: 

(A/N: Don't forget, the underlining means the Riza who lost her memories, the one with the softer voice, I say this so I don't have to keep typing in 'the one with the soft voice.')

"_I'm Edward Elric. I'm a scientist who was researching your case."_

"_My case?"_

"_Edward Elric? I feel like I've met you before__."_

"_Riza, do you remember anything?"_

"_I remember a woman and a knife. Then I awoke here." She put her hand to her head, "And I have a terrible headache."_

"_Why can't I think straight. Is this really my body? I can't remember! Is this how I always looked? Why do I feel like I don't belong in this body!__"_

"_Riza, I don't know what's wrong with you. I could give you some aspirin if you'd like. Maybe it could help your headache."_

"_I feel like my thoughts are split in two. And this voice that speaks is not my own sometimes."_

"_I feel like I'm sharing my head with another. We're alike, it's my voice in there, but it's not my thoughts. What's going on?__"_

"_Listen, Riza, just lay back, I'll have Leni look in on you."_

_After trying to explain things, he knew it was no use. Whatever was wrong with her was out of his hands now. He had done all he could, and it was time to give her back to the doctors. _

Edward could hear Riza breathing in there, and every now and again he checked her pulse. He wanted to make sure she wasn't slipping back into a coma. He wanted to be with her to help her with everything, but what did he know about this Riza. A part of her, the part that spoke with a softer tone, it was trying to remember herself. He wanted to tell her that she was a strong willed successful woman of the military. But what would that mean to her? It wasn't his Riza Hawkeye. Was it? That voice was just as he remembered her.

The only thing that could be heard for quite a while was the sound of Riza's breathing and the chatting of birds beginning their morning routine, until the sound of the front door being opened broke the pattern. Leni met Edward at the top of the stairs, "My father will be by soon to take him with her for tests. He wanted me to thank you for everything."

* * *

I can feel you all around me / Thickening the air I'm breathing / Holding on to what I'm feeling / Savoring this heart that's healing

* * *

The Soldier's Graveyard, Munich

* * *

The funeral began at daybreak. The soldiers all lined up in mourning as the casket that contained Maes Hughes was slowly lowered into a fresh grave. Jean Havoc watched in silence as his most dearest of friends was buried. Gracia stood mutely next to him. The only thing he could think of to reassure her only pained him to say, "No one could have seen this coming." 

Gracia looked up at Havoc. The insignia on his jacket labeled him a member of the Nazi party. She remembered how hard it had been to convert Maes. It was one thing for him to be in the military, fighting in the name of Germany. But the Nazi extremists he had gotten entangled with were changing him for the worse. She had begged and she had pleaded, and finally, Hughes decided he too did not like where the Nazi party was leading him. But Havoc followed the words of Adolf Hitler blindly. He was a pawn, and from what she had heard from Hughes, so was his soon to be wife, Riza Hawkeye. She had never met the woman, but she had been told that she was a disgusting sort of beauty, the kind of woman who had the face of a Goddess by the mind of an executioner. Gracia had prayed that God would give her and Havoc a heart of flesh, but the insignia on his jacket told her that her prayers still sat unanswered.

But Gracia could not ignore the pain in Jean's eyes. He did love Maes Hughes. Even though their minds and hearts were loyal to different things, their bond of friendship still merged the two together. And Gracia also knew that until recently, Riza Hawkeye had gone missing. It had to have been hard for him to lose two loved ones. Gracia could see the sorrow that laced Jean's eyes. She could see the tears that wanted to pour from his ocean colored eyes, and she could also see the pride in his chest that kept those tears from sliding down his cheek.

Havoc tried to think of something else to tell Gracia, but he didn't know much about her. Usually he cut Hughes off before he could get into detail about their romance. Jean regretted it now, standing next to the only person on earth who loved Maes Hughes as much as he did.

A fellow soldier with the Nazi insignia on his jacket tapped Havoc on his shoulder just as Jean placed a single yellow rose on Hughe's coffin. "Sir, your car is waiting at the front."

"Thank you, officer." Havoc turned his attention to Gracia. He had seen her once before. She was always full of life and color. Seeing her in her black mourner's clothes made her seem out of place, as if she were merely playing dress up. "It's not much, Gracia, but the German forces would love to accommodate your needs, if any should arise."

Gracia forced a smile, "Thank you, Havoc, but I refuse to accept any charity from an organization that simply extends it because I'm German as well. Why not trying to accommodate the Jews?" Gracia turned away, signaling Havoc that the conversation was over.

* * *

My hands float up above me / And you whisper you love me / And I begin to fade / Into our secret place / The music makes me sway / The angels singing say we are alone with you / I am alone and they are too with you / I'm alive / I'm alive

* * *

The Elric's Home

* * *

Riza Hawkeye awoke in a daze. All the moments that seemed to come at her like lightning blended together into a giant blur of white hot light that stung her eyes and frazzled her brain. That other part of her mind that was always worried about where she was and where this Jean person was, was still asleep, leaving her a chance to ponder over everything. Her dreams had been so strange. She couldn't quite piece them together. All the dream people haunted her. Usually, unknown people in a dream just sort of existed with no real appearance that she could recollect, but these ones were so real to her. 

She silently stepped down the stairs into the living room where Edward was waiting with Alphonse and Leni for Dr. Dodd. When she entered the room, the three others quickly got to their feet, ready to assist her to a seating position if need be. "How'd you sleep?" Leni asked.

"I had such strange dreams," Riza replied.

Edward could tell from the tone in her voice who he was talking to. It was the familiar Riza, the manageable Riza. "You wanna talk about it?" he questioned while helping her sit beside him on his couch.

Riza scratched her head a little. "There were these men. They were all in uniform. And one of them, he called me Riza. Is that my name?"

"Actually," Leni began, "It's the name for any scientific mystery, named after the famous scientist Phillip Rizaenhellstein, who discovered the first volcano rock." Riza nodded, but was sure that she didn't understand. Edward simply sat with his jaw open. How the hell did she remember that! "But, I suppose you could keep the name if you'd like."

Al was more interested in Riza's dream. "Men in uniforms? Were they blue?" Riza nodded. "Was one of them about seven feet tall, really big, and sparkly?"

Leni raised her eyebrow at the notion of a sparkly man. But Riza nodded enthusiastically, "Yes. But he wasn't the one who called me Riza. The one who called me Riza had black hair. He was…so…handsome." As Riza described what Al and Ed knew was Colonel Mustang, they could hear the longing in her voice. "He had these dark eyes as well, but they weren't harsh. He didn't say anything but Riza, but his eyes told me that we knew each other. They were…a lover's eyes." Riza started giggling as she finished, "Oh God, I sound so silly. Do I know these men? I feel like I know them."

Alphonse had been happy to explain the characters from her dreams to her, "Those were your friends, Riza. But I don't know why you're thinking about them. They're on the other side of the…umm…Well, the big guy was Alex Armstrong. He was a friend of ours. And the blonde one with the cigarette, that's Jean Havoc, he's a loveless desperate moron…I mean…he's a good guy. And the dark haired guy was Colonel Must…" Edward jabbed Al hard in the side. "What?"

Edward gave his little brother a stern look and said out of the side of his mouth, "We'll talk about it later."

Before Riza could question Al about the raven haired man, there was a knock at the door.

"That's probably my dad," Leni said in her regular cheery voice. She bobbed over to the front door and opened it. As Leni suspected, Dr. Dodd was standing at the door with his white coat and stethoscope around his neck.

Everyone inside could hear the sound of a motor running outside. "Sweetie, we don't have a lot of time. There are a lot of things we need to discuss with this Ms. Hawkeye here," Dr. Dodd stated. It was obvious that he was in a real hurry.

"Ms. Hawkeye?" Leni asked.

Dr. Dodd sent a glare over to Al and Ed. "Yes, Ms. _Riza_ Hawkeye. So much for the late Phillip Rizaenhellstein." How did people remember that! "If you'll excuse me men."

Riza smiled serenely at Edward and his little brother. She felt like she could almost remember them. They were young and hopeful with their amber eyes and blonde hair. She thought maybe they had been friends at one point, which is why she leaned in and hugged each of them, "Thanks for everything, Edward, Alphonse. I hope I get to see you again sometime. Maybe I'll be a little more put together then. I'm sorry we couldn't talk more."

Al hugged her back. He remembered hugging her one time before. She had been glad to see he survived their last fight with the homunculi, and she couldn't help herself. Al wondered if when she hugged him she thought of the same moment. "Of course we'll talk again, Lieutenant." Ed nudged Al again in the ribcage. "Ow, I mean Riza."

* * *

And so I cry / The light is white / And I see you

* * *

Central Headquarters

* * *

Roy strolled into the office late in the afternoon. Winry's trial had been a quick case to try when both the jury and the judge were on the payroll of the country's top billionaires. She was sentenced to three weeks in a correctional facility and two weeks of community service. And Roy was left to wonder what had happened to make such a beautiful innocent like Winry Rockbell go wrong. Pinako had been at the trial. As her granddaughter was escorted out by military personnel, Pinako let out a deep sigh of disappointment. When Winry first told her that she wanted to move out of their quaint little home, Pinako had been skeptic, which was one of the reasons she rented out the apartment across the street. She wanted to make sure her granddaughter wasn't getting into too much trouble. Through her blinds, she watched as her pride and joy had turned into something else, something awful. She knew Winry missed the Elrics, and that she hadn't been the same since they left, but everyone else went on, why couldn't Winry? 

The office was quiet. All of the men sat at their respected desks either pretending to do work because Roy had entered or just sitting with their heads on the table. There was no use beating around the bush for those dogs of the military, it was a slow day if you were a subordinate. They saluted Roy when he came in, but that was the most movement they had, had all day.

When Roy entered his office, he found Havoc sitting at his desk doodling on scrap piece of paper with a dull pencil from his desk. Ashes had piled up on top of the paper, and the cigarette that sat poised on his bottom lip was down to the filter. Havoc was in a complete daze. Before Havoc even heard the click of the door shutting, Roy had snuck up behind him and snatched up his drawing. "Havoc, I didn't know you were an artist," Roy said with a chuckle, but he quickly silenced himself when he took a better look at the picture. He had seen her before. She had been in his dreams ever since the incident at the Sugiyama's. Long blonde hair. Great smooth skin. Deep amber eyes. Succulent lips begging to be kissed. "Who is she?" Roy demanded.

Havoc snatched the drawing back from his commanding officer. "She's _my_ dream girl. Not a night has gone by since that Sugiyama sting where I haven't dreamt of her. Just last night, I had a dream that _she_ was your assistant. Fuery brought in a dog, I wanted to eat it, but she took it instead. Then you came in and started singing."

Roy's left eyebrow slowly raised to his hairline, "Wow, Havoc, that's some dream."

"I also had a dream while I was napping a few hours ago. I met her at our graduation from the academy. She attended the girl's academy. That's how she ended up your subordinate. She was happy to meet me. She said you talked about me in your letters. Then, you two met up, and she punched you in the face."

"I don't know what's harder to believe," Roy began, "me singing about dogs or you meeting a girl."

Havoc continued his drawing. It was finished, but his pencil still traced over the lines as if he hadn't drawn them in the first place. "Well, either way, she's been in my head every second."

* * *

I'm alive / I'm alive

* * *

Munich Hospital

* * *

Once Riza was done explaining all that she could remember, Dr. Dodd switched off his tape recorder. The reel-to-reel tape recorder had been given by an officer hoping to catch Jews coming in the hospital. True, the hospital had been a neutral zone for the Jewish people, but Dodd needed the money, and the German military forces paid a pretty penny for a Jew, and if you could prove it, say by recording a confession, the reward was great. At the moment, Dodd was using his machine to record Riza's tale. He was to turn it into Colonel Jean Havoc as soon as he could. It was common knowledge that dating within the military was frowned upon, making Jean's and Riza's relationship more physical than emotional. When moments arose when the two could be alone, there was never any time for talking, they simply said what they could in between sex, before heading out on another mission. However, Jean did care for Riza, which was why he had been so concerned about her condition. 

Dodd's actions that followed Riza's confession were strictly for his own quest for knowledge. "The woman who gave you that cut, Julia Kimblee," Dodd began, "is not dead. One of the officers that dragged her 'dead' body out, Maes Hughes, secretly brought her to one of the Jewish hideouts on the north side of town. He was going to set up a secret meeting between her and the Elric's to discuss alchemy. Unfortunately, Maes Hughes died just recently. Take this." Before Riza had anytime to question Dodd's allegations, he pressed a piece of paper with an address into her hand. "Let your curiosity overpower your sense duty."

"What exactly do you mean?" Riza asked.

"It wouldn't be fair to turn in these Jews. Maes made it a priority to keep Julia safe because of her knowledge; I implore you to do the same." Riza could sense pleading in his tone.

"And you?" she inquired.

Dodd chuckled a little and pulled out the tape from his machine. With a black marker he signed Riza's name and the date at the top. Then, he slipped it into a manila envelope addressed to Jean Havoc. Later, he would bring it to the Nazi's central headquarters in exchange for his pay. "I am heavily rewarded for bringing the names of the Jews. But no amount of money can sway my desire for knowledge."

* * *

I can feel you all around me / Thickening the air I'm breathing / Holding on to what I'm feeling / Savoring this heart that's healing

* * *

Central Headquarters

* * *

Jean had already gone home, and Roy remained as the lone Fuhrer. The paperwork was once again piled on his desk almost to the point of overflow. He longed for an assistant that could keep him in line, but Havoc was almost as lax as he was. In fact, Havoc's paperwork was about at the same level. From Roy's chair, he could see that most of Havoc's paperwork were either tattooed with doodles of his new dream girl, covered in his drool, covered in his cigarette ashes, or labeled with almost hieroglyphic symbols which Roy knew to be Havoc's 'left handed signature.' The memory of Havoc trying to convince the staff that he had been ambidextrous floated through Roy's brain. No, Havoc was not ambidextrous, and the building request that had been defiled with what looked like a backwards J leaning on a spiral that wiggled toward a giant H and a few dots was proof. 

Roy glanced at the clock, 2:30AM. There was no way he was chancing walking home now. The fatigue that plagued his body was just too powerful. He could already imagine himself finally keeling over in a gutter just steps away from his apartment complex. Roy did not look forward to sleeping the night in a smelly flea infested gutter riddled with dog urine and who knew what else. So, instead, he pulled off his jacket and balled it up on his desk. After switching off his desk lamp, he laid his head on his makeshift pillow and tried to rest.

The sound of Havoc's voice resounded in his brain. _I met her at our graduation from the academy. She attended the girl's academy. That's how she ended up your subordinate. She was happy to meet me. She said you talked about me in your letters. Then, you two met up, and she punched you in the face._

It had been Havoc's dream, but the images danced around in Roy's mind as if they had been _his_ memories.

* * *

Take my hand / I give it to you / Now you own me, all I am / You said you would never leave me / I believe you / I believe

* * *

_Eastern Headquarters Men's Militant Academy_

* * *

_It was graduation night for both the men and women's academy. So, it was customary that the two schools get together for a dance before the diplomas were formally handed out in front of parents and friends. Havoc looked down at his two left feet. Damn, he thought, if only I could be ambidextrous with my feet too! The girls that littered the dance floor were of two varieties: 1) Very pretty and out of his league 2) Very unattractive and looked like they could kick his ass. That mixed with the fact that he couldn't dance his way out of a wet paper bag all added up to him having one lonely graduation night. His best friend Mustang; however, was already knee deep in lonely graduates just looking to finish off their academy experience by losing their virginity to a hot cadet. It was common knowledge that if you didn't get laid graduation night, you were a loser, so the women were all a hunt looking for the guy who would make them a woman._

_Maria Ross turned to her closest of friends and whispered, "Riza, just pick one who is decent looking and get out of here. I don't want to be the friend of the girl who dashed the academy's only tradition."_

_Riza blushed from just listening to Maria's sinful request. It wasn't like grabbing a piece of cake at the cafeteria line. Riza couldn't just snatch up the first one she saw and move out of the way so her fellow cadets could have theirs. If she was going to follow out with her plans, it had to be the right man. She scanned the room for Mr. Right, but came up empty handed. All the good looking men were already taken, and believe it or not, most of the unattractive men had been taken as well. But one stood out. He was blonde. He was blue eyed. He was tall. He was lean. He was cute. But most of all…he was pathetic. It wasn't hard for Riza to tell that he had been the runt of the litter that compiled his troupe. He stood apart from the group just watching, like a dog watches traffic, waiting to cross the street. Poor guy. If the night went as planned, Riza could see herself killing two birds with one stone: giving the pitiful boy some company and following through with graduation tradition._

_Jean pulled a cigarette from his coat pocket. His captain had given each of the boys one to celebrate their graduation. It would have been a cigar, but the cigars had been rationed due to the Ishbalan uprising. However, smoking a cigarette seemed like the only cool thing Havoc could do at the time. But of course, he didn't have a light. He wasn't going to ask the two gentlemen smooching their respected dates on either side of him, that was just foul play to interrupt a man during business. Instead, he checked his pockets as if there were a match there. _

_Before Jean could make a bigger ass of himself by resorting to lighting his cigarette with rocks, the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen took a seat next to him and handed him a match. Jean fought off the urge to take out a marker and etch MINE all over her before any of the single men could claim her. She had the must beautiful shade of amber eyes he had ever seen. And her skin was so smooth that he imagined if he touched her he would leave finger prints on her. Her hair was a stunning hue of blonde. She was like a Greek statue. Her features were cut so magnificently, but so softly. Then, as if too assure him that she was in fact a living creature, she spoke, "Hi, I'm Riza Hawkeye."_

_Jean looked down at the match she had offered. She hadn't handed him a book of matches, thus supplying him with something to light the match with. He remembered how his captain used to light matches. He angrily swiped it across the forehead of his cadets who were misbehaving. Then, he coolly brought the match over to his cigarette. Once the cigarette was lit, he'd inhale slowly until the tip glowed red. Lastly, to prove his manliness, he dug the match into his skin without flinching. Yeah, captain was badass, Jean thought to himself. _

_In an effort to exude the same badass-ery, Jean took the match and flicked it across Riza's forehead. The match, of course, did not strike, leaving Havoc to stew in his embarrassment and stupidity. Riza snatched the match away from him. The pause that followed gave the blood in Jean's face ample time to boil over and cause his cheeks to turn a terrifying shade of red. "You idiot," she said through a laugh. "This is how you pull that off." Coyly, she mirrored Jean's actions and scraped the match across his cheek. Jean felt a sharp sting where the match had trailed which was then replaced by a light heat brought on by the matches' soft flame. Riza held the match out in front of him as a sort of peace offering. She didn't mean for the gesture to be rude or condescending; she was just trying to help._

_It didn't take Jean long to realize that he had never smoked a cigarette before. He put the match up to the cigarette and inhaled slowly like his captain, but found the taste to be disgusting and nauseating. That's about when he looked down and noticed he lit the cigarette backwards and was smoking the filter. But, being the showboat he was, he was determined to follow through. He took the still lit match and grasped it in his bare palm. Riza smiled at him. She could tell he was trying his hardest to impress her. In her head, she counted: One…two…three… "God, that's hot!" Jean shouted while tossing the burnt match toward the wall._

_Riza pulled the cigarette from his lips and put it out in the palm off her hand. Badass, Jean thought. "You can cough now, I've already called your bluff."_

"_Thanks!" Jean turned his head away and began a series of gut wrenching coughs. He swore then and there he would never smoke again. He didn't know, at that moment, his father had saw him from across the room light up a smoke. That night, his father would make him smoke ten packs of cigarettes in an attempt to teach him a lesson, but all it did was create a life long addiction that Jean would never be able to fight off._

"_What's your name?" Riza asked._

_Her voice sounded like angels in his ears. "I'm Hean Javoc…I mean Jean Havoc."_

_Riza laughed as soon as she remembered the name, "I know you! You're Roy's friend." Good ol' Roy, Jean said in his head, you put in a good word for your best of buddies. "You split your pants doing squats in formation once, right?" Roy, you bastard!_

"_How do you know Roy?" Havoc inquired, trying to shift the subject from his embarrassing incident._

"_Girlfriend." Cupid's arrow had gone straight to the heart, but with an unintended fatal blow. But just as Love's Gates closed, a ray of hope shined through from the heavens, "I mean I __**was**__ his girlfriend. He broke up with me…through a letter…the bastard. He couldn't even tell me in person. If he were he right now…I would…urg!"_

_Oh God, there was still hope! "You know what you should do? Sleep with his best friend." Smooth, Havoc, smooth._

"_I don't know, I think Maes has a girlfriend." There wasn't a hint of jest in her voice, meaning that Roy hadn't ever mentioned Havoc as being his best friend. Tonight was not going to be his night. "Actually, though, for the sake of tradition, I was thinking you and I could get out of here." Riza couldn't even believe those words had come from her mouth. Ross was a terrible influence. Riza prayed that Ross would grow out of that playgirl attitude, especially if she was going to be in the military._

"_Yes!" Before Riza could get in another word, Jean hooked his arm into hers and led her towards the French doors that paved the way to his manhood. "And from now until we're both no longer virgins, let's not talk. I don't want to say or be prompted to say anything that might talk you out of this. Oh, and so you don't have to ask when we get up there, I'm both rash and STD free. That's not a turn off is it?" Riza did the hand motions for zipping her lips. Jean nodded and smiled, "Cool." _

_And then, as if Satan himself had crawled up from the underworld and bitch slapped Jean in his post pubescent face, who should exit through the same door Jean and Riza had been utilizing? Roy Mood Killer Mustang. "Riza?" Roy asked with stun in his voice. Last time he heard she had been on her way to some ritzy college up north to pursue a career in medicine. Little did he know that after his break up letter, Riza set off to prove herself as a woman by defying a male dominated world and becoming a dog of the military. Before any more words could be exchanged, a lead heavy fist slammed right between Roy's eyes. "I take it your still mad," he called after her. Roy's date, a girl that the rest of her troupe simply acknowledged as Big Boobs McGee, rushed to his side to check if he was hurt._

_Meanwhile, Riza raced out to the courtyard with Havoc trailing behind her. The stupid high heels that she had been forced to wear made it hard to run much further in the grass, so she plopped down on the stone bench and looked up toward the night sky._

_Havoc breathlessly took a spot next to her. His lungs had still been coated with god knows what from his first cigarette. "Riza," he began, but she put a finger to his lip to quiet him. Then, Havoc laid his one night stand on the table along with his chance at ever losing his virginity, and stepped into what all men knew to be the Friend Zone. Instead of tilting Riza's head and lowering his lips to hers, he took pity on the tear soaked faced that sat before him and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Before Riza could fight off her sadness, her tears came pouring down from her eyes in streams, soaking Havoc's rental tux. "I know, he's kind of a dick."_

_Riza smiled up at him. "He couldn't even tell me in person, Jean. And I thought I got the last word when I never sent a letter back…but…I don't think I'm over him. I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you planned for tonight, but would you mind just staying with me."_

_Jean let out a deep sigh, releasing whatever left over feelings of lust he still had for Riza. "No problem." So much for tradition._

* * *

I can feel you all around me / Thickening the air I'm breathing / Holding on to what I'm feeling / Savoring this heart that's healed." 

-- Flyleaf

* * *

Another chapter down! Pleeeeeeease review. For the love of small ugly dog, please review! I know you're still sweating the lack of Roy x Riza, but do not lose faith, my loves, for I shall bless this story soon. Besides, I think I made it up to you with comedy in this chapter and the last one. And I'm sorry, but I friggen love how pathetic Havoc is. I just wanna take him home and snuggle with him! Okay...enough of that. REVIEW! SMALL UGLY DOG! HAVOC SNUGGLES! 


	8. Awkward Last Words

A/N: Hello, my lovers! Yet another chapter for you to print out and use as toilet paper. Unless you have a septic tank…we'll work on that. Anyway! Here it goes, in this chapter you will finally get to see…DUN DUN DUN!...the Roy Mustang on the other side of the gate. He's a dick! But keep reading! Plot twists are coming soon…so soon it might as well be now, BUT IT'S NOT! Okay…I'm done. Oh, and **WARNING!!! WARNING!!! SUPER DUPER WARNING!!!** This chapter is quite...well...lemon-esque. So, if you're not comfortable with citrus flavoring, might I suggest drinking a glass of Kool-Aid instead of reading this whole chapter?

* * *

"I wanna live again / I wanna start everything over again / I wanna get this right / I'll meet you in another life / Over again / I'll coming back around again / Coming back over again / I'm coming back around again / But now it's over

* * *

Abandoned Warehouse, Munich

* * *

Riza was pretty sure after three whole days of dealing with it, that there was another person in her head, which was probably the main reason she found herself standing outside an empty warehouse in the northern part of town. She found that if she concentrated hard enough she could communicate with the other Riza that occupied her mind. However, their conversation that morning was pointless, to say the least: 

_Where did you come from?_

_I don't remember._

_Who are your parents?_

_I don't remember._

_These dreams we're having, why was __**my**__ fiancée in one of them?_

_I don't know. I don't know those faces._

_The one with the dark hair, he spoke __**my**__ name. Why?_

_I don't know. But I feel like they weren't dreams, more like…memories._

_Don't be absurd, it's my brain, I'd know if I had memories like that._

Riza knocked on the cool steel door and waited in silence for the response. She could hear the heavy footsteps of a male coming from behind the door. The small window on the front of the door slid open to reveal a pair of beautiful dark eyes. Those were the eyes from the dream, she could recognize them from a mile away, but something was different. They weren't soft and caring, they were cruel and harsh. From his post on the other side of the steal door, the man spoke brusquely, "What do you want?"

Before Riza could say anything, the newer part of her spoke, "We're here to speak with Julia Kimblee."

The man took a step back from the window for a moment. Riza could hear the distinct sound of swallowing. Then, he came back and laughed, "Why would I let you in, Nazi girl? Did Hitler send you after us to sniff out a few Jews? Well, I'm afraid you'll have to meet your quota else where, Nazi girl."

There was a slight slur in his voice, and Riza wondered for a moment if he had been drinking in there. "How do you know I'm with the Nazis?"

"Look at you with your blonde hair and blue eyes! You're ridiculous! Why should I believe a word you say?" A part of Riza was soaking in his voice. Yes, it did sound like he had, had a few drinks, but she also could trace his thick accent. He was Jewish, and it took all of her being not break in and take him to headquarters where he could be processed and sent to one of the camps. The other part of Riza had fallen silent. His comment stung her like lightning to the brain, she had blue eyes? Did she always have blue eyes? She had to get in there! She had to know what these thoughts meant.

Before Riza could stop the new being inside of her, her hands ripped open the top of her shirt and flashed the Jewish man the carving on her chest.

From the look in his eyes, Riza could see that he recognized the pattern. "A broch (Yiddish for 'Oh hell.')," he muttered under his breath.

* * *

We're out of time and I can't breathe / I told you not to believe in me / Because all I do is push you far away from me / All I do is push you far away from me / Out of time and I can't breathe / I told you not to believe in me / Because all I do is push you far away from me / All I do is push you far away from me

* * *

Roy's Apartment

* * *

That night Roy had actually made it to his house. The paperwork had all but disappeared that morning. Roy had woken up before daybreak to finish it, and now he was at home in the comfort of his own bed. He tossed his jacket on the back of the living room sofa and looked around as if he had never been in his tiny studio apartment. 

Once Roy became the Fuhrer, they military had offered him a home in the country, but Roy refused. There was something to be said about a house where you could stand in the kitchen and the bedroom at the same time. He liked simplicity, and being that he didn't own many things, the small room suited him perfectly. Yes, it did lack a woman's touch, but Roy was a bachelor who spent most of his days in the office and most of his nights at a woman's house. Everything was white, as he preferred it. The walls, the tile, the sinks, the sheets, the curtains…all white.

But as Roy made his way slowly to his bed, he noticed something that was _not_ white. Out of the corner of his eye, Roy spotted a small mouse fritter into his closet. Immediately Roy pounced over to the double white wicker doors. He threw the flimsy doors wide open, almost unhinging them in the process. The closet was about six inches shorter than Roy was, so he had to squat down a little to hunt for the rodent. His collection of suits and uniforms shrouded him a cloud of cotton and polyester, making it hard to see anything. Roy stood up quickly and instantly regretted doing so. The shelf that sat over the bar for hanging clothes came upon the top of his head quickly, shaking the entire feeble closet. "Damn!" Roy screamed.

Roy squatted back down and attempted to exit but as he did he heard the crunch of cardboard under his foot. He looked down and saw his foot was stuck in a shoe box filled with what appeared to be old letters. Bringing the box with him over to his bed, Roy tried his hardest to recall the person who sent them.

The return address read 'Riza Hawkeye.'

He ripped open the top letter and read aloud in his mind:

_My Dearest Roy,_

_Not a night goes by when I don't think of you. I still can't believe you're gone. What's it like there? Do you miss me much? I miss you terribly. I know I sound like a broken record but you can't imagine what it's like at home right now. All the walls echo with your memories. Even the way my father curses your existence reminds me of how much I miss you. I still can't believe he put in that recommendation for you at the academy. But then again, he really did like you. He just didn't like __**us**__. But of course, that was my favorite part of seeing you. I'm glad to hear you're making friends at the academy. This Maes fellow sounds like a good match for you. As for me, I'm as lonely as ever. My father and grandpa spend most of their time dealing with military business, so I'm left alone most days. I keep the photo of you of in a tin box that I hid under that creaky floorboard in the guest bathroom. I love that cocky smile of yours, it's what keeps me going…that and the thought that in a few years you will have graduated and you'll be back with me. My father tells me it's just teenage romance that won't last, but I can't see us ever really being apart. I await your next letter._

_With Love,_

_Riza Hawkeye._

* * *

I'm gonna make this work / I'm gonna change everything wrong with me / I'm gonna prove you wrong / When I meet you in another life / Over again / I'm coming back around again / Coming back over again / I'm coming back around again / But now it's over

* * *

Abandoned Warehouse, Munich

* * *

Once the man was thoroughly convinced that this strange German woman meant no harm, the man opened the door and let her in. It didn't take her long to realize that he really was the man from her dream. He was a gorgeous man, regardless of his Jewish heritage. His eyes were so stern and elusive. His onyx hair resembled a starless sky. It was tussled in no particular style. His pale skin was that of an Adonis. A part of Riza wanted to look away to keep herself, an engaged woman, from thinking any impure thoughts, and the other part of Riza wanted to rip his shirt off and see if the body beneath was as tight and toned as it appeared to be through his white cottons shirt. 

"My name is Roy. I'd tell you my last name but I'm still not sure if I trust you enough," Roy said while beckoning for Riza to follow him. Inside the confines of the warehouse a portion of Germany's Jewish community had gathered to create a sort of haven for others like them. When Riza entered, the men and women burst to life, mumbling Yiddish things to one another. Riza didn't understand their words, but she didn't have to, their eyes said everything. She was an outcast and a dangerous one at that. They didn't want her there. She threatened everything they had worked so hard to achieve. A few even questioned Roy's loyalty. After all, he was at the front of their missions to thwart the Nazi advances and rescue their fellow people. Roy led them into a tiny room and whispered in a flat tone, "She's through here."

Riza nodded in thanks and Roy was off.

The room had been quite a sight to see. The walls were lined with circles and triangles and curves. Riza didn't know what they were, but some of them resembled the mark on her chest. Some were traced in chalk others in paint, and there in the middle of the room sat Julia Kimblee. She stared intently at her markings. "Sit down, Riza Hawkeye," Julia commanded. Her voice was low and rich with a heavy accent, but she wasn't Jewish.

"Listen, Julia, the only reason I'm here is to see if you can reverse what's wrong with me. Frankly, I'd like to lay a few bullets in your skull for this little tattoo," Riza said while sitting down.

"That may be so, but why is _she_ here?" Julia pointed at Riza again, but both women knew she was speaking of the other girl in Riza's head.

"I feel like I don't belong here! I feel like this isn't my body."

Julia laughed, letting the empty room echo with the malevolent tone in her loud laughter. "You will learn to suppress her, to keep her voice within your head without her talking or acting for you. I did. This part of you, Riza, this alter-Riza, she wants to go home? Home is on the other side of the Gate."

Riza nearly jumped out of her seat. She had a home? Somewhere she was accepted? Somewhere she was…loved? Immediately, she began pummeling Julia with her questions, "How do I go about it? How did you do it? What's it like there?"

"Slow down. First, you must understand an important thing about me. When I said you can suppress the other one in your head, and I said that I did, I meant that I suppressed the woman whose body I entered."

Both Rizas were overwhelmed with shock. Riza didn't want someone who didn't belong stealing her body, and alter-Riza didn't want to take someone else's body, she wanted her own. "Neither of us wants that," Riza nearly shouted. "Can't you just tell us how to get her home and I can go back to my normal life?"

Julia turned away from Riza and rubbed her chin, "There are people besides me who know of the other world. The Elric's, I believe you've already met them. And, somewhere, I don't know where, is a woman called Bella Sugiyama."

"You don't know where she is?"

Julia shook her head. "If there is another like me, that means she succeeded in opening the Gate again. Which means she came through and is somewhere on this side. I asked one of the men here to look for her while he was working on counter intelligence with the German forces."

Riza slammed her fist down on the table, "I will not be seen working with the enemy."

"Suit yourself."

The other Riza in her head was screaming to speak, but Riza tried her hardest to contain her, maybe she actually could control her.

_I want to go home, can't we just find some common ground?_

_I still have work to do._

_How about this, we share until I can get home? If you can't morally live with yourself knowing your working with the enemy, just shut yourself off, and I'll do it. Then, when you're doing your work, I'll turn off. I'm sure there's something in your life that you don't want me around for._

_I don't want you around at all!_ But Riza knew specifically she didn't want the other Riza around for when she was with Jean. _But, if you promise to get this done as fast as you can, I guess we can share for a little while._

"Alright," Riza began, "we'll work with you." Riza got up to leave, but the other half of her held her down.

"Wait. Can you tell me why I have been having these dreams?"

Julia began the slow process of explaining to her the process of cerebral exchange. Riza's face went from shocked, to disgusted, to hopeless in a matter of minutes after hearing the tale of what she went through to find herself where she was. Somewhere, someone was dead because she was used to bring their soul across the Gate. She couldn't help but feel guilty. What was she thinking? "These dreams you have, they're memories."

"But I thought you said those were all erased to bring someone back to life."

Julia's character changed a little bit when she heard the distress in Riza's tone. Julia had been there. She knew what it felt like to feel the guilt and the pain, and not understand. Riza needed to hear something with a twinge of hope for once. "Bella Sugiyama may be a brain expert, but she's no heart expert. The brain can forget as much as it wants, but memories are things of the heart, the soul. The heart can't forget what it truly wants, and that's why you see these images. For me, they have yet to go away. Things my heart _really_ felt, I can still see. Things like anger, and sadness, and love. I still see these images. I don't know what they mean. I think it's the same way on the other side too. I think matters of the heart aren't truly ever forgotten. I remember Bella telling trying to reassure me about coming here. I didn't want my son to ever forget me, but she said I would be erased from that world. I was devastated, so she told me how some things would remain. Physical things _you_ personally left behind are all still there. Maybe they're slightly altered. Like maybe someone lives in your apartment now, but it's still yours. I wonder if some things still remained _exactly_ the same. Also, people who don't exist on this side do not forget people who went through. Such as children who aren't born yet on the other side. They remember everything." Julia sighed, she had shown weakness, but it was for the sake of someone just like her, someone who was longing for something she didn't remember. "Why don't you talk to the Elrics? Ask them to help you and Roy find Bella. Then you can go home."

* * *

We're out of time and I can't breathe / I told you not to believe in me / Because all I do is push you far away from me / All I do is push you far away from me / Out of time and I can't breathe / I told you not to believe in me / Because all I do is push you far away from me / All I do is push you far away from me

* * *

The Hawkeye Mansion

* * *

The only reason Roy found himself standing outside the ivy covered house was out of sheer curiosity. He checked the return address then looked at the number on the side of the house, they matched. 

He felt a familiar aura coming from the house. He had been there before. But why? This woman, he could almost remember knowing her. And now, he was at what he assumed was her house. He knocked on the door and an elderly woman answered. "Fuhrer Mustang?" The upside to being as important as Roy was that everyone recognized you and few turned you away at the door.

Roy nodded, "I'm looking for a Riza Hawkeye."

She shook her head and opened the door to let him enter, "I'm sorry, sir, but there is no one here by that name."

"Would you mind if I looked around the house?" The maid let him in without a questioning. He entered and scanned his surroundings. He felt like he could see these things he almost remembered dancing around the house. He felt like he could see his blonde haired secret lover lead him through the halls. He could smell her strawberry scent in the air around him. He could hear her whisper in his ear…_Roy…Roy…Roy…_

"Roy?" Wait, that was a real voice. He spun around and faced the maid, "I'm sorry, I mean Fuhrer Mustang. Is there a certain room I can show you?"

"No, thanks, I think I can find it myself." On his way toward the main house, he passed a side table adorned with photos. One was an elderly man that he instantly recognized as General Grumman, his old mentor. The other was his son. He remembered him coming to his graduation. The two were instant friends. Were they? Roy remembered him shaking his hand and congratulating him, but other memories told him that the man hated Roy with a deep seeded passion that no amount of time could wash away. "Are the men of the house available?"

"Sir? The Hawkeye men passed away a while ago."

_Riza squeezed his hand to keep the tears from flowing. Roy wanted to hold her closer to him, but her hurt heart was still not ready to go back to Roy. She was wounded, and the death of her father only added salt to the wound. Roy looked down at her, and as though he were taking a page out of Jean's book on How To Just Be Friends, he put his arm around Riza and let her cry onto his chest. He didn't run his hand down her back to her parts unknown. He didn't sink his face toward hers and sneak a kiss in. He just held her and waited for her to stop crying. _

The maid's voice shook Roy from his memory, "Yes, the other maids and butlers and I keep this place going as a getaway house for upper-class families on their way through the countryside. Right now we have a very well to do man from the east visiting. He's out on a horse ride right now, but if you wait a few hours, he'll be in." The maid bowed and left Roy to search the rest of the house on his own.

Again, the blonde temptress returned to him. He placed his hand in her ghost like palm and she guided him toward the guest wing.

"_Come on, Roy," she said while dancing her way through the halls that she had memorized. "I have something to show you!" Roy obeyed blindly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Grumman give him the thumbs up sign. On a day to day basis the old man told him that young love was the best love. The guy creeped Roy out, there was no doubt about that, but he couldn't help but agree. As he followed Riza into the guest bathroom, he felt warm and safe with his hand in hers. He didn't want to ever leave._

Roy found himself in the guest bathroom. Just as Riza stopped, he heard a familiar squeak.

"_Hear that, Roy?" Riza jumped up and down on the floor, making it squeak and moan even more. "This floorboard's loose." She bent down and opened it for him_.

Roy dug his fingers under the loose board and pried it up.

"_I know you have training while I'm home, and I'm at school when you're home. So, on your time off, we can write each other and hide the letters in here. That way my dad won't murder you."_

And there it was, the green tin box that had been described in the letter. He opened up and saw it was filled with letters and pictures. He couldn't quite remember taking those photos, but they were of him nonetheless. And, at the very bottom of the box was his silver ring. The academy gave them to certified alchemist's in training upon entering the academy.

"_But you'll get in trouble if you don't have it at the door the first day," Riza said. Roy slipped it on her ring finger, it was much too big. She took it off and tried giving it back._

"_I want you to have something of worth to remember me by while I'm gone. I'll tell my captain I lost it. What's the worst that could happen?" Roy smiled and placed the ring on her thumb this time. It was a perfect fit. The silver accented her hand quite nicely._

Roy remembered telling his captain he lost the ring, but he didn't remember where he lost it. Could it truly be that he gave it to this mystery woman? And if so, why wasn't she wearing it now?

"_I'll always wear it, Roy."_

At the top of the box was a letter written in his hand. They all were, but this one was different. Small drops of moisture had covered some of the ink, causing it to run a little. Tears?

_Riza,_

_I don't think we should continue this relationship any further. I'm going to be joining the military, you're going to be starting your new life soon. You'll find someone else, I promise. I just don't think we're right for each other, and I don't think I love you anymore._

_Roy_

How stern and cold the letter had been. How callous and cold it had been. His eyes didn't even want to read his own words after reading the letters she had sent him. Her letters were so loving and sweet, and they dripped with longing to be with him. And here was his reply, short and bitter. Were these her tears that penetrated the blue ink?

_Roy laid his pen down on his desk and felt a hand on his shoulder. "You crying, Roy?" Maes asked. Roy couldn't even answer. He was such a coward. There were things he wanted to put in that letter, but just couldn't. And it was better to just let her know it was over without letting her know the real reasons why. Because, in truth, he didn't want it to be over, and if he said that, it never would be over…and he needed it to be. He knew he would be going off too battle, and if he didn't come back, he didn't want that weighing on her heart. Maes scanned the letter and instantly knew what was going on. He didn't need to ask Roy, he knew that Roy still loved her. "Hey, it's gonna be okay, buddy."_

They were his tears.

* * *

I never had the gift of holding on to you / So far, so far away / No I, never had to gift of holding on to you / You're so far, so far away

* * *

The Nazi Headquarters in Munich

* * *

Riza set her bags down at the door and rubbed her neck, but she was quickly swept up into the arms of her waiting comrade. Havoc began placing kisses up and down her face. "Havoc…please, someone might be watching," Riza said between his kisses. 

"We're alone, dear. Everyone else is gone. It's just you and me." Without another word, Riza obliged and began responding with her body and mind. While alter-Riza had been worried about getting home, all Riza could think about was returning to her two true passions, war and Jean Havoc.

Riza smashed her lips against Jean's as they raced to see who could get undressed faster. She plunged her tongue into his mouth without even asking for permission, and Jean quickly reciprocated. They tried their hardest to make it somewhere where they could lock the door, but once Jean had backed into the receptionist's desk, he found a spot that would do for the moment.

After almost clawing through Havoc's uniform, she made it to his buttons and began tearing each apart. Havoc was keeping his mouth busy with Riza's and his hands busy with slipping her shirt up and over his head. That's when he saw the mark. It was gruesome and unbecoming for such an untouchable goddess as she, but he couldn't necessarily label it as a turn off. After months spent without her, all he wanted to do was plow her brains out like he had done many times before in almost the exact same spot.

Riza sensed his eyes on her scars, but there were more important things at hand. Her hands hastily ripped open his belt and unzipped his pants. It wasn't rare for their sex to be this aggressive and hasty, but it was usually on Jean's part. This new deprived side of Hawkeye was confusingly arousing.

With all he had within him, Havoc pulled his lips and tongue away from Hawkeye, giving him a quick moment to savor the taste she left in his mouth. "Riza, Riza, come on, we've got three hours to ourselves here, you wanna slow down a little?"

Riza mapped out a trail of juicy yearning kisses down from his lips, to his neck, to his chest, to just above his navel. Riza grabbed both the top of his boxers and his trousers with her hands and looked up at him, "I've been in a hospital with absolutely no male companionship for months. The first man I came across when I woke up was a post pubescent blonde boy and his older, but most likely just as naive, brother. Then, a doctor, an _old_ doctor. Now, are you gonna let me have my way with you or not?"

Havoc tilted her head up toward him, "I'm just saying, am I gonna get to do some work around here?"

Riza forcefully pushed down the tops of his garments and saw what she had waited months upon months for. It was just as she remembered it, long, hard, and all hers. Just as her mouth came down upon the tip, there was a moment of unwanted reflection.

"_Oh my god, Colonel, I'm so sorry!" Riza screeched with wide eyes. "I heard a loud noise and I came in as fast as I could."_

_Roy ran a towel through his hair without giving a second thought to his naked manhood that he had been putting on display for his subordinate. "I slipped in the shower, Riza. I'm fine." He backed away for a moment then turned around, giving Riza another view of her commanding officer that she had not seen before. The military had been good to Roy Mustang. All that training and running up and down the battlefield made for one of the tightest backsides she had ever witnessed. The fact that he spent most of his days in an office and most of his nights drinking heavy liquor didn't seem to matter. Riza wanted to slap herself for even considering Roy's body as desirable, but she could not get herself to turn away. Roy tossed his towel onto the rack and then turned back to Riza. Her eyes were exactly where they had been when she first entered. He had to admit that his ego was getting a huge pat on the back knowing that his body was the cause of shock for someone like Riza Hawkeye. "See something you like, Hawkeye?"_

_Riza shook her head to look away, but every chance she got her eyes shot back to their previous location. With all the strength within her, she backed up into the bathroom wall and reached around until she found a towel. She tossed it at Roy, then watched as he wrapped it around his waist. "I'm sorry, sir. Really, sir. I didn't know, sir."_

_Roy smiled as she blushed uncontrollably. He glanced down at the floor for a second and then caught sight of a tiny bead of water roll down from his chest toward his stomach. Then, he glanced back at Riza. He wanted that drop to be her hand, placing feather light touches down his chest, toward his bellybutton, then to his… "Hawkeye, if you didn't want to see, why didn't you just leave? Is there something else you needed to say?"_

_Shivers were running sprints up and down Riza's spine. She just sat frozen, with her eyes still in the same place, even though she knew there was nothing there. All she wanted was something warm to thaw out her body so she could escape her embarrassment. She had seen other men naked, but god, Roy Mustang was the pinnacle of sexual desire. It wasn't enough that he had those dark eyes and careless hair, he also had the chiseled body to go along with it. It didn't help that it had been covered in water either. The thought of his body drenched in warm water only gave her a bad case of dry mouth that she wanted to suppress by running her tongue across every part of his body. Then, as if her prayers had been answered, her body began to heat up. _

_Her face had already been burning from her humiliation, but now the rest of her body was catching up. Her arms were somehow flat across the cool bathroom wall, but the shivers had ceased, replaced by fire like butterflies tiptoeing across her upper body. That's when she realized the cause of all this heat. _

_Roy had her pinned to the wall by each wrist, and his mouth was moving in fast. Riza wanted to turn away. She wanted to scream at him to never touch her again. She wanted to slam a fist into the side of his head. But all she could think about was what it would be like kissing Roy again. She remembered those kisses, those late night forbidden kisses in the safety of the guest bedroom of her father's house. And now, she was ready to experience that same feeling, only now the sense of forbidden desire was amplified by the fact that both of them would end up discharged if they were caught._

_After the years and anguish that she had put between them, Roy hadn't lost his touch. He began the same way he did all those years ago. He placed a wispy kiss on her waiting moist lips, then looked in her eyes for permission. If he saw anger he would stop, but instead, he recognized that same look she had given him so many times before, complete submission. Her eyes fell back into her head and her lids slammed shut, begging and waiting for him to continue. Roy wasn't one to deny a woman, so he returned to her lips. This time, he added vigor to the kiss, not asking for authorization for his tongue to enter her mouth, but demanding it. His tongue worked in spirals around her, but he constantly switched the direction of the rotation, not wanting her to guess where his tongue would explore next. But soon his tongue wasn't the only part of him creating a rhythm._

_Out of the slits that she used as eyes, she saw his knee run up in between her legs. His body was still hot from his shower, and the heat was quickly radiating to Riza's body. But to speed things up, he made sure that every part of his body was pressed firmly against hers. Some of the water that clothed his bare skin escaped onto her body, but she didn't care. All she cared about was his tongue that was waltzing crazily across her tongue and that damn knee of his that rubbed her most sensitive of areas through her uniform. She had been touched by Roy long ago, but they never quite made it all the way, but now Riza wondered why she hesitated because if his rod could pull off even half of what his knee was doing, she'd jump his bones right then and there on the bathroom floor._

_She began creating a counter rhythm with her hips. As he slid his knee down the crotch of her pants, she rode her hips up his thigh. As his kissing sped up, so did their rhythm. The friction caused the heat to flow from in between her legs, and Roy could feel it ignite sparks against his bare knee. As she rode farther up his thigh and he pressed harder with his knee, she brushed against his erection. The towel wasn't doing much to disguise it, but she was more concerned with her own arousal.  
_

"Mmm, Roy, that feels so great. Oh! Roy! Don't stop!" Riza panted.

Havoc looked up from his spot on top of her with disbelief written on his face. His length was still inside her, but he pulled out immediately when he heard her cries. Ever since he started making love to her when she walked in through the door that afternoon, he felt like she was possessed, and now he knew why. "Who the hell is Roy?"

Riza's eyes shot open in alarm. "What?" She looked down and realized where she was. Had that damn other half of her just reminisced through an entire love making session? What happened to sharing, she told alter-Riza.

_Everything was breathless and wonderful, but she had to stop. Just like all those other thousands of times she caught herself fanaticizing about Colonel Roy Mustang, she had to think back to the one thing that could instantly turn her off, he broke her heart. He destroyed all her illusions of true romance and love. He shattered her._

_Riza pushed hard against his chest and he backed away, taking his lips, his tongue, and his refined and sexy body with him. Roy knew exactly what had happened. No amount of sexual desire could mend a broken heart. No, he needed words to do that, and he just didn't have those quite yet._

_Riza quickly saluted and left._

Havoc yanked up his trousers and looked down at his fiancée who was sweating in agony. They were both on the brink of orgasm, and now Havoc had denied them both something they had waited a long time for. Riza knew that she had unintentionally hurt his pride, but he would never understand how it happened. So, she quickly got clothed and saluted him. "I think I'll get started on my work, sir."

_Roy looked down at his throbbing erection and the empty bathroom. He painfully walked back into the shower and turned on the water, this time neglecting the H and turning the C all the way to the right._

* * *

I wanna live again / I wanna start everything over again / I wanna live again / I wanna start everything over again

* * *

_Eastern Headquarters_

* * *

_Maes entered Roy's office with one of his huge smiles. They had all graduated and now Roy was a Colonel for the military and a state alchemist. He couldn't ask for anything more…except…well…he couldn't imagine **her** walking back into his life. "This is a nice place, Roy."_

_Roy replied with a cocky smile. It was a nice office and he was damn proud of it. He had earned it. "I'm sure yours is better."_

"_Yeah, but you get to sit in the hot seat and go out where the action is. My office is only big to hold all the paperwork I have to do."_

_Roy laughed along with Maes. Roy hated small talk, but small talk with Maes was usually the only conversation they had time for, and he couldn't abandon it. He could never burn his bridge with Maes Hughes, he knew that he depended on Hughes for sanity, even if Hughes was a little kooky. "You got me an assistant?"_

_Maes rubbed the back of his head. Roy knew that look, bad news. "Yeah, I'm not one to beat around the bush, so," Hughes reached back and opened the door, "may I introduce your new assistant, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye."_

_Roy's tongue swelled up and he concentrated hard on not choking on it. He hadn't recalled signing for an order of 'A Ton of Bricks', but they still came raining down on him relentlessly. She was just as beautiful as he remembered, even more so now that she carried herself with a sense of sheer woman pride. The old Riza was a girl, which had been fine because he had been a boy. But now, he was a man, and what stood before him was a woman. The kind of woman who could do some real damage._

_Maes nodded and exited. He knew that if he stayed a moment longer he'd end up dead in the crossfire. _

_Roy immediately began catching up and trying his hardest to rationalize the past between them, "Listen, Riz, the only reason I said any of that stuff was because we were young and I didn't want us getting hurt. I didn't mean any of it, and if I would have known you'd be right here years later, I wouldn't have said it. I didn't think I'd ever see you again and…"_

_The emotional drabble that came spewing from Roy's mouth did nothing for Riza. She had been burned by the Flame Alchemist, and she wasn't looking for his apology to act as an ointment. She wore her scar proudly. "Sir, where would you like me to put my things?" she said while saluting._

_And that was it. She had just drawn the line that would separate the two. On one side sat duty and everything she stood for as First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, and on the other side, stood the chance of rekindling their past romance, and just by saluting him, she had set up a giant stone wall bewtixt the two that was never to be broken down._

* * *

Out of time and I can't breath / We're out of time and I can't breathe / I told you not to believe in me / Because all I do is push you far away from me / All I do is push you far away from me." 

--Armor for Sleep

* * *

HOLY CRAP, I'M DONE! I know what you're thinking, why did I cut that juicy action short? Because your pants were getting too tight. Why'd I replace juicy Havoc action with dumb ol' Roy? Because it's Royai and that's the way it goes, tight pants. Why'd I cut off that juicy Roy chasing a mouse action short? Because...you're creepy, tight pants, but I like your pants, call me. ;) Anyway! I shall be on a short, as in like...three days...break, I gotta move. And I'm sure that is relevant for you. In the meantime, listen to this song from this chapter, it's absolutely great. In fact, all of them have been. Listen to all of them, or I refuse to add on. Oh, AND REVIEW YOU BUTT HEADS! 'Cept you, tight pants. You just sit back and be sexy. 


	9. Red Flags and Long Nights

'Ello, loves. So, I'm sorry about that "three day" delay, which turned out to be about…um three-ish weeks, eh? My excuse I moved for college, thinking my internet would follow, and low and behold, nay, it did not. So then, I was like, fine, I'll buy internet for my new apartment. Then the computer craps out on me. So then I had to buy a new laptop. So, I got the laptop, which got back ordered, and the internet just took forever to ship because the world hates me. Also, my new laptop has the new Windows Vista on it, and I have no idea how to use it. All I wanna do is use Microsoft word, not a clue how it works. We're lucky I figured out this much. Now that you know my diary for the week, I can get to the chapter, right. If you've been following along with the music, which I hope you would, today's song is by She Wants Revenge, quite possibly one of my new favorite bands. Today's song, Red Flags and Long Nights great song. However, I suggest listening to any of their songs. Do so, or I refuse to write anymore :P, kidding, but give it a listen, I promise you'll like it. **I speed edited this puppy so if there are any huge errors in grammar or spelling, please send them to me in the comment or whatever so I can fix them.**

* * *

"Sick of trying to find a way inside / Sick and tired of all the after / Sick of trying to find a way to slide / Even though it always ends in laughter

* * *

Jean Havoc's Apartment, Munich

* * *

Jean had pissed his fiancé off before, but nothing like this. And now, he faced the night alone. He was pressed on top of his sheets staring at the ceiling, waiting for the familiar sound of bare feet creeping along the hardwood floor. But it never came. He waited for the tune of the door knob slowly turning and squeaking as it allowed entrance for his night mistress. But it never came. And he waited for a warm body to crawl under the sheets to warm his cold bare skin. But it never came. 

She was angry, and it was obvious. He was to blame, of that he was sure, but it didn't put to rest the feeling of emptiness that sat in the pit of his stomach. Jean's mind could only replay the afternoon that led up to his lonesome evening:

_"Jean, I'm sorry! What do you want me to do, beg!? I just got out of the hospital, my head's not on straight, I'm sorry," __Riza__ pleaded in desperation with her arms leaned against his desk._

_Jean let out a deep sigh and looked into her eyes. The amber orbs were filled with misery and anguish, but most of all, truth. But his mind would not be appeased so easily, "Just tell me who he is."_

_Riza__ let her chin fall to her chest. If only she knew. "I don'__t know who he is." Jean pulled out a fountain pen and began stamping his signature on the dozens of files that littered his desk. "Jean…" His eyes never met hers. He just kept signing away. A single tear drop dove from the tip of her eye lash and splashed silently on the oak of her fiancé's desk. "Jean…Jean__Jean!!! __Dammit__, speak to me, Jean."_

_Without setting down his pen, he replied, "What else is there to say, Elizabeth?" That was all he had to say. Jean only called her by her legal first name when he was really upset or when he was addressing her in front of her father, and her dad wasn't in the room. "I think I've got the gist of it, you slept with some random guy and then you called his name during sex. Isn't that right?"_

_"Pretty much…I mean, no! You don't understand, why __can't you__ just trust me."_

_"Fine," Jean began, "you're under a lot of stress?" __Riza__ nodded. "You want me to understand the pressure you're under?" __Riza__ again nodded. "Fine, take some leave time."_

_"No, no, I don't want to be on leave. I need to stay here. The German military needs…"_

_Jean reached up and ripped __Riza's__ dog tag from her neck. He grazed his thumb over the engraved lettering, "The German Military is strong enough to survive without one woman." __Riza__ could hear the disdain that dripped from the word 'woman.' She had an attraction to arrogance, __an__ d Jean's sexist mindset was one of the things that drew her in, but now she only felt insulted. __"And if my vote of confidence on behalf of Germany isn't enough for you, than consider it an order. You're dismissed."_

_"Fine."_

He knew he should have said some different things. Mainly, he shouldn't have insulted her intelligence or challenged her fidelity, but he was a man who felt betrayed, and though he was alone and hated it, the feeling of treachery wasn't wearing off.

* * *

It's never hard to tell when things are done / She looked into my eyes and a voice said run

* * *

The Elric's Home, Munich

* * *

"Brother," Alphonse started as he followed devotedly behind his older brother, "why didn't you tell Hawkeye about Colonel Mustang?" 

"Al, think about it, if you were some vulnerable woman whose only real memory of a guy is happy, do you think you'd wanna hear how this guy treated you like crap on a daily basis." There was a hint of anger in Edward's tone. He never liked the Colonel, but he disliked even more the way Roy treated Riza. If Roy truly was in love with Riza Hawkeye like he said he was, he had a funny way of showing it.

Edward threw himself on his bed and untied his tie. He longed for his red trench coat and his black leather wardrobe. He didn't like all of this superfluous layering that 20th century Germany required. Undershirt, blouse, tie, vest, dress coat, overcoat, it was all so silly. Ugh, and they way some of the women dressed! If a woman ever caught fire in this day and age, she'd have a lot of trouble getting disrobed. He felt suffocated knowing that if he had to snap into action, he couldn't simply rip off his sleeve and access his automail.

"Ed, I know you hate the Colonel, but a promise is a promise."

Edward felt his pillow wrap around the back of his head as his mind drifted back to that day so long ago…

_Ed and Al __had just arrived in Central from __Risembool. __Riza__ had escorted them, and both Ed and Al had to admit the change in company was nice. Armstrong was entertaining, but sometimes it was nice to just sit and listen to the sound of the train. _

_The brothers sat in Roy's office waiting for the Colonel to arrive. __Ed's eyes dart__ed from the window, to the desk__, to his brother beside him, to Hawkeye. How could she just sit there? Ed was __seventeen,__ and he had to admit that he was beginning to see __Riza__ Hawkeye in a new light. She wasn't as matronly. The way stray strands of her golden hair cascaded down her neck wasn't unkempt anymore, it was sultry. When his eyes would fall on her, they sometimes would linger. Edward wondered if she noticed._

_Finally, the muffled sound of Al's voice from inside his suit of armor broke the silence, "Wh__at are you reading, Ms. Hawkeye?__"_

_"It's alright if you men call me __Riza__." Al always enjoyed how __Riza__ held a soft spot for him and his brother. The whole military was against them, but __Riza__ Hawkeye was always looking after them, even more so after Hughes' death. And Ed always enjoyed the way she referred to them as men. __Roy always called them boys or kids, and sometimes, much to Ed's dismay, small fries.__ But __Riza__ recognized their maturity and treated them as equals. "It's the report the Colonel sent me off with." The mere mention of Roy Mustang's title caused Edward to roll his eyes and let out a light '__pff__.' "Is something wrong, Edward?"_

_"How do you let yourself get bossed around by that guy? You're a way better soldier than he is. You're smarter than he is. All he ever does is throw his work onto your lap, treat you like a throw rug, and use you as a human shield out on the battle field."_

_After hearing all Ed had to rant about, __Riza__ slammed the file shut and put on the desk. Slowly she tilted her head toward Edward, thinking hard about how to phrase her reply. "I know it seems like Roy's well…a __hardass__, but someone has to be the spine in our group. Some of the men are the heart, some are the brains, __some__ are the eyes. I'm just skin." __Riza__ laughed at her awful wording. She could tell from Edward's expression that her little metaphor wasn't doing much for him. "I protect and cover the spine because if the spine failed, we'd all just fall apart. You guys are the hands. You're getting the stuff done."_

_"There has to be something more than duty, Ms. Hawk…I mean…__Riza__," Al said shyly._

_"I hope there's something more than duty," __Riza__ stated with a slight laugh. "Listen, if you're not fighting for somebody then what's the point? I have my reasons. There's someone out there that I fight for."_

_With his arms folded across his chest, Ed let out a deep sigh, "I hope you're not speaking of the colonel, __Riza__." _

_Riza's__ cheeks instantly turned an embarrassing shade of crimson, but before she could deny his allegations, the door slammed open. _

_"__Riza__, I'm going to need some alone time__ with our friends here. I left you a stack of paper work out there. See that it gets done within the…now." She could see Edward's disapproval, but she knew that Roy had a lot on his mind right now. She didn't mind that he was short with her. It was his response to pressure. __Riza__ liked being reassured that he still felt normal human emotion._

_"Like I said Hawkeye, I hope you weren't speaking of the colonel," said Edward after Hawkeye saluted. She exited with his comment still ringing in her head. Why had she come back? A part of her knew she really did have something to prove to Roy, but could it be that she still held adoration for him? Was she really protecting him? Or was she trying to prove that she was bigger than he was? How petty, competing with a man who doesn't even know he's in competition, and what's worse, she was losing._

_Roy waiting for the door to click shut before he brought his attention back to the brothers. "Well, let's get straight to the point. This homunculus business is getting on my last nerve."_

_"Why don't you just have Hawkeye take care of it then? That's what you're good at." A cocked eyebrow was all Roy could muster to use as response to Ed's off the wall comment. "For some reason she thinks you're worth protecting. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"_

_Roy had to physically escape the situation at hand. Ed wasn't the first to bring the case of __Riza__ Hawkeye to his door. There had been others claiming the same things: You're so cruel, you're so callous, you're so fake…But Roy knew his reasons, and if telling Full Metal was the only way to get it out in the open, then so __be__ it. He couldn't look Edward in the eye as he spoke. The thought of letting someone that far into his soul was just too sickening. Instead, he faced the window, trying hard to block out the image of his reflection, the face of a true coward. "She cares about me, and I don't deserve it. But if it makes her happy knowing that she's my go to woman, then I will go to her, for everything…no matter how big…no matter how small.__"_

_"But doesn't it bother you that you're putting her in harm's way for your safety?"_

_"There's no place else she'd rather be. Do me a favor, Edward," Roy whispered as he sluggishly turned his head to face the brothers, "when you can, make sure she's always taken care of. And if she ever wonders if I love her…tell her."  
_

_"I promise."

* * *

_She says that I'm a mess / But it's all right / Whether it's two weeks / Two years / Or just tonight

* * *

Hughes' Residence

* * *

Gracia set down the rest of the dishes on the long oak table as Maes set up Elysia's booster seat for her. Happily, Elysia Hughes climbed her way up the chair and sat patiently in her plastic booster seat. Maes took his spot next to his wife and waited for her to join them. He looked across the table at his daughter's curious eyes. He could see her imagination working overtime. He wondered what went on in that strange mind of hers. 

"Elysia, what did you do today?" Hughes asked his daughter.

Elysia's eyes immediately lit up. The sound of her name was always exciting to her. Usually the grownups talked amongst themselves, but, on occasion, they spoke to her, always making sure to say her name first. This alerted her that she was about to speak to an adult. "Well, daddy, I answered the phone today."

"Is that so?" Maes questioned with faux amazement. He loved how the most mundane of tasked seemed so monumental to his daughter.

"You know who it was, daddy?" Maes shook his head. "It was Kerny Musty."

Maes turned his head to his wife, signaling Elysia that it was the grownup's time to talk, "Roy called? Why didn't you tell me? Was it important?"

Gracia rolled her eyes and served her husband a plate full of potatoes and chicken. "We'll never know. He hung up. I assume it was because of Elysia's ramblings."

"Elysia, what did you tell him?"

Elysia shoveled a fork full of potatoes into her mouth and spat out debris as she replied to her daddy's question, "I asked the Kerny why him and Hawky weren't visiting me no more. Then he said, 'Who's Hawky?'" Elysia used a deeper voice when she mimicked Roy. "And I told him that she was the girl with yellow hair who was always fallowing him around with a gun and bossing him around. Like mommy does to you. But he still was confoozed. So I said, Musty, how can you not know who Reezzzzzza Hawky is? Don't you loooooove her? Daddy said you loooooooove her. Then the meany hung up on me. Then I told mommy and mommy got mad."

"Do you remember why mommy got so mad?" Gracia said, giving Elysia a stern look.

"Mommy said I was being a liar, and that lying was bad. But I know that. But I wasn't lying. I heard you say that, daddy. You believe me, don't you?"

Maes was stuck in one of the worst possible situations: to be the dad, or to be the husband. Being loyal to his wife was of the utmost importance, but he couldn't just call his daughter a liar. "Well, sweetie, daddy has said so many things in his life, it's hard for him to keep track of some of the stuff he says. So maybe I did say that, and I just don't remember." Gracia was obviously not satisfied with his answer. "Did Mustang say where he was?"

Elysia thought long and hard. All the muscles in her face scrunched together tightly in an attempt to push the thoughts in her brain closer together. "He said something about being at some Hawky house in the country. I dunno, he wasn't making much sense. When I picked up the phone he started screaming stuff like, 'Maaaaaaezzzzzz, I need you to get your butt out here. There's something really weeeeeeeird going on out here.'"

"Elysia, did Mustang really say that?"

"I dunno, it was something like that. I might be parrot phrases," Elysia said coyly.

"Parrot phrases?" Hughes asked.

"Mommy taught me that word, it's when you say something cuz you're trying to 'member what someone else said, but you can't really 'member so you say all the stuffs you can 'member. You know, parrot phrases."

Gracia nudged Maes while smirking, "Paraphrasing."

Maes sat his napkin down and excused himself. "Well, I'd hate to cut this meal short, ladies, but I've got to track down the Fuhrer. I'm a little worried about all this." A light kiss was placed atop the head of each of his girls. "Gracia, you wanna wrap this up for me and I'll finish later?"

* * *

You can occupy my every sigh / You can rent a space inside my mind / At least until the price becomes too high

* * *

Central Headquarters

* * *

The bone chilling sound of the phone ringing was just surprising enough to wake Havoc from his blissful sleep atop his mountain of paperwork. He quickly began where he left off by lighting another cigarette while grabbing the receiver. "Central Headquarters, Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc." 

Before Hughes could get out his words, a voice that seemed to come from nowhere jumped from his lips, "Havoc? Jean Havoc? Boy am I glad to hear you. Tell me, is Gracia alright?"

Havoc ran his fingers through his hair and scrunched his face. He had slept through a lot of things in his life, but what the hell was Hughes talking about? "I dunno, Hughes, why don't you tell me? She's _your_ wife"

Maes cleared his throat wildly while trying his hardest to block out the screaming thoughts in his head. _Gracia! My Gracia! Tell her I'm alive! I don't know where I am but I'm alive!_ He could hear his mind demanding him to tell Havoc, but he wouldn't allow the foolish thoughts to be turned into even more foolish words. "Where's the Fuhrer?"

Ashes fell onto the desk as Havoc was once again struck with confusion. "Your guess is as good as mine. He's been a little strange lately. He's somewhere in the country. Some Hawkeye estate. I dunno. I had Fuery look into it. It's just some ritzy villa. Maybe he was just looking for some vacation time."

For the second time, Hughes lost control of the second voice and was caught off guard, "Hawkeye! Riza Hawkeye! Your fiancée! Where is she?"

The cigarette slipped from Havoc's lips onto one of his stacks of files. "How do you know about Riza?"

"I'm sorry, Jean, my mind's a little split. I didn't mean to say…whatever I just said. I'm going to go look for Roy. You just keep things quiet at Central."

"Wait, Maes, my fiancée? What are you…" _Click_. The familiar sound of a dial tone told Havoc the conversation was over.

Jean looked down at the hole his cigarette was burning into the top file. He was instantly reminded of Roy, the Flame Alchemist. What was going on? They all seemed to be connected by a presence that none of them knew, Riza Hawkeye. That's when he noticed what paper he was burning, a statement of release for Winry Rockbell.

* * *

I can find a reason that we should quit / I can find a reason to do it / I can find excuses for all my shit / She tells me just to work right through it

* * *

The Elric Home, Munich

* * *

"I'll get it!" Edward shouted up the stairs to his younger brother. The knock on the door came, but it didn't echo nor did it shock anyone. By now the brother's were used to reporters, doctors, and scientists coming to check on Edward's research on Riza Hawkeye. The question of how he cured her seemed to be on everyone's tongue. Unfortunately, he had no answers, nor did he know exactly what he cured. As far as he knew, he had somehow activated his alchemic powers again, but that couldn't be possible on this side of the Gate. 

Edward unlocked the door and found Gracia Hughes standing with her wrist in one hand and her eyes cast toward her feet. "Hello, Edward, are you busy?"

"Who is it?" Al called from upstairs.

"It's Gracia. Why don't get you some coffee going?" Edward took a step back and politely allowed Gracia to enter.

Gracia nodded and instinctively took a seat on the couch. Ed sat next to her and watched as she pulled out a handkerchief. She wasn't crying, but the tone in her voice told him that she soon would. "I'm sure you heard about Maes."

"Yeah, I read it in the paper." It was the second time Ed had heard about Maes' death from a belated source. It was also the second time he had missed the funeral.

"It was the same time your mystery woman came back to life." Edward rolled his eyes at the thought. Lately every doctor in Germany had been looking into the strange coincidence. Hughes' time of death matched almost exact to the time Edward had clocked Riza's awakening. Edward knew it was an odd happenstance, but his best guess is that it had something to do with the alchemic happening. "That's not the only thing that happened that night." Gracia extended her left hand and displayed a glowing red stone on her ring finger. "When Maes died, my engagement ring started glowing."

"Here you go, Gracia…" Al had entered and offered a cup of coffee to their guest but dropped it when he caught sight of the jewel on her finger. "Edward, is that…"

"Yes," Ed interrupted, "It's the Philosopher's Stone."

* * *

She's pretty and I like her / But she's too well / 'Cause I need / Red flags and long nights / And she can tell

* * *

Hawkeye Estate

* * *

Roy was on top of his blankets in the room he had recently rented. He wanted to get to the bottom of the mystery that haunted him, and something about the house brought him closer to understanding things, he just couldn't quite grasp it all yet. He had vague suspicions that he may have hit his head at some point and gotten some sort of amnesia. But it didn't quite explain how he had memories of everything. What was happening seemed to be correlating memories, but it was silly to think that he had been two different places at the same time. It meant one of his memories had to be fake. But how? He had physical proof of both things happening. He remembered passing all his basic training for the military and being quite happy. Now he finds letters of heartbreak and sadness dated at the same time. 

As his mind fought violently with itself, trying to sort fact from fiction, a memorable scent drifted into his nose. It was a strong must of a scent, but gentle enough that it didn't nauseate him. The smell had been so common that he almost hadn't noticed it. What triggered his brain to react was simply the fact that the scent shouldn't have been there in the first place. It was the smell of Roy's cologne, and it had been coming from the pillows and linen that covered the mattress.

Roy began wrestling through the sheets and comforter, sniffing like a dog on the hunt as his face came into contact with the soft white cloth. It was everywhere! But how? He had never been in that bed before in his life.

_"What are you doing?" __Riza__ asked Roy._

She stood before him like a ghost. Knowing it was a vision, he dared not touch the light figure. He was afraid that if he laid a finger on her she would disappear. Instead, he relived a memory that was begging to escape from his mind.

His body fell victim to the memory, and he found himself grabbing his bottle of designer cologne that sat on top of his suitcase.

_She stood in front of him with a coy smile dancing on her lips_ as he sprayed his cologne generously all over his body and then on her. _She let out a flirtatious laugh. It was going to be her first night alone with Roy since they secretly began dating. Her father was out of __town on strict military business._

The emotion that laced the memory was definitely lust, but the words that were scripted in the memory came from his lips as more of a question, "You know what we're going to do, don't play dumb."

_"What do you think we're going to do, Roy?"_

He slowly got up and walked toward her, careful not to touch her, "Well, Riza, you and I are going to make love and…"

_"Make love? Is that the term you use with all your girls. I'm not special enough to get 'have sex' or even the illustrious 'fuck'?"_

"No, you and I are going to _make love_, and I want this bed to smell of me forever. That way, whenever one of us is ever in this bed, we can remember." A part of Roy was glad to know that he had finally grown out of such corny lines, but the fact that he had once said those words was still present. He had finally gotten into the groove of things. He could almost remember all of it. He could already sense what was coming next:

She would put her hands on her hips.

She'd lunge her head ever so slightly, like she wanted to kiss him.

And then she'd whisper, _"You didn't answer my question, Roy Mustang. Why did you say 'make love'?"_

Without even having to consult the memory, he replied, "Because I love you."

Then he'd reach toward the buttons of her blouse.

Then…

…Her father would come home early from his mission.

Of course her father was no longer alive to do such a thing, but something did stop his delightful trip to the past. It was a knock at the door. "Who's there?"

* * *

It's not that it's my fault / It's just my style / Beginning with a look / And then a smile

* * *

Abandoned Warehouse, Munich

* * *

Riza lay silently on the cold cement floor of one of the empty rooms that lined the walls of the warehouse. It was the Jews' safe haven, and she knew she was going against Nazi rule for being there, but it was the last place Jean would look for her, if he did. 

All she wanted was sleep. Knowing that her fiancée was angry with her left an empty feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she'd give anything to block it out. It wasn't her fault that she called out the wrong name, and she couldn't necessarily blame it on the alter-Riza either. It just sort of happened.

As she slowly drifted off to sleep, alter-Riza was slowly gaining control of the body. She could now move and think and speak without any barriers. She enjoyed the feeling of having a body that responded to her command. She took advantage of her new found freedom and decided to do some exploring.

Everywhere she walked the people around her gave her strange looks. She knew that there was something that set her apart from them, but she didn't quite understand what it was. She wasn't particularly sure, but she assumed they bled the same blood and cried the same tears, why should she be set apart?

_"__Riza__, you must calm down," her father whispered as he wiped her tears gently with his handkerchief._

_"But daddy, why?__ Why did the kill mommy?"The thought of her mother never being in the house again was not one six-year-old __Riza__ Hawkeye was going to get used to. Who would be there for her first dance? Who would be there at her wedding? Who would she look to for knowledge when she became pregnant? Who would she go to for feminine advice?_

_"The __Ishbalans__…they…they just didn't like mommy because she was an alchemist. They just didn't like her because she was different."_

These people, these Jews, as they were called, they didn't like her because she was Nazi? What was Nazi? She tried connecting the questions to the memory that had flashed before her: The Jews were Ishbalans, and the alchemists were Nazis?

Before she could use that as a conclusion, another memory came to her.

_"What grudge do you have with the people of __Ishbala__, sir?" It pained __Riza__ to salute a man like Frank Archer. She would never allow herself to enjoy war._

_Frank smiled at her. She could almost taste his condescending words. He didn't believe women should be in the military. He didn't believe they could understand the glorious art of war. "My grudge is__ they're different. They worship a false God and think they are righteous because of it. Our job, Hawkeye, is to take them down a notch."_

Now the role of Nazi and Jew had been reversed. She wished she could make up her mind for herself, but it was no use. She just didn't know enough about both sides to decide who was wrong and who was right.

"Sorry," the man who simply called himself Roy had bumped into her as he walked back toward his bedroom with his face buried in a newspaper.

When he entered what to be the living room, the mood shifted from anger toward Riza to respect toward Roy. He was obviously the leader of the group. "What's the news, Roy?" a male voice coming from the corner called.

"Seems that Hitler has called for more man hunts. More of our brothers are headed toward the camps." There was pain in his voice. Riza wanted to console him.

A small boy came running to Roy's side. He laid his head against Roy's knees and sobbed, "Tell me, Roy, when will mama return from the camp?"

Roy patted the fragile boy softly on his head. "There, there, child. We pray soon. Have faith, child."

She had never seen a child like that. He was so small and so sullen. A child of his age should be out playing, not cooped up in a warehouse. There weren't very many other children, and the ones that did reside in the warehouse had the same appearance. In fact, all of the people carried themselves the same way. Their shoulders hung low and their face showed no sign of hope. They looked as if they were waiting, but not for relief, simply for death. Roy was the only one who looked different, but he was the leader. He had to remain committed to their cause, no matter how bleak the outcome seemed.

"What camps?" Riza asked. Her voice sent lasers into the spines of everyone in the room. They all shot piercing glares at her.

Roy chuckled at her. The others saw her question as a cruel joke; Roy simply saw it as a joke. "What camps? Nazi girl here wants to know about the camps? Why don't you tell us, Nazi girl? What _are_ the camps? Where do you take our brothers? What happens at those camps? And how come they never come back? Tell us!" His laughter quickly turned to rage. He was shouting now, and he pushed her in the shoulder as he screamed, "How dare you, Nazi girl! My people are suffering and dying and starving, and you're making jokes. You want to know about the camps so bad? Let me show you!"

Roy grabbed her by her arm and dragged her toward a room at the end of the hall. He threw open the heavy door and Riza dropped to her knees at the sight of dozens of men and women in beds against the cement wall, each only weighing about 70 pounds. A full grown adult weighing about the same as the boy that had wrapped his arms around Roy's knees. The people drew back in fear when they saw her.

Waterfalls of tears came cascading from Riza's eyes. How could anyone let this happen to a fellow human being?

* * *

You can occupy my every sigh / You can rent a space inside my mind / At least until the price becomes too high

* * *

The Rockbell House

* * *

Jean could barely look Winry in the eye after knowing what she had been through. Yes, she had snapped but he couldn't overlook the large amount of anguish in her eyes. Something was eating away at her. He hoped his visit would heal her slightly. She hadn't had real human contact in while. Still, he wasn't sure if she wanted to see the military at this point in her life. 

Nevertheless, she set a cup of tea in front of him and took a seat in front of him at her kitchen table. She held a level of respect for Roy Mustang, even after hearing that he had been the one who murdered her parents. However, after her trial at which he testified against her, she had lost any feeling or reverence for the man whatsoever. She didn't understand how he could testify against her even after seeing what they did to Riza. They murdered her, or so Winry thought. She wanted to go back to the Sugiyama estate and get to the bottom of that night and maybe kill Kimbley along the way, but she couldn't risk any more trouble, especially now that she was under strict watch by the military.

Jean Havoc, on the other hand, was a man she hadn't known very well. Edward had always spoke kind of him, and she assumed from his appearance that Havoc was a good hearted man.

Jean had heard about Winry from Edward. She had been like a sister to him and Al, but she had also been their mechanic. The most he had ever seen from her was her outbreak at the Sugiyama estate, and he hadn't known much about how she used to be. As far as Jean Havoc knew, the reserved ex-psychopath who sat before him was the only Winry Rockbell there had ever been.

Winry smiled sweetly after a quick sip of tea. "Did you men ever find out what happened to Riza?"

Jean was glad he had come to see Winry if she too knew of the Riza Hawkeye mystery. "You know who Riza is?"

It was true then. During her time in jail, Winry took the time to go over her thoughts about all that had happened. She had Schezka, one of the few people who believed Winry was innocent, do a name check at Central for Riza Hawkeye. Confirming her fears, Riza Hawkeye never existed. "So it's true. She's somewhere on the other side of the Gate."

"Please, Winry, tell me everything you know," Havoc pleaded.

"Listen, Mr. Havoc, I'm not really too happy with the military right now. If you want the military back in my good graces, you're going to have to do me a little favor." Havoc thought for a moment. Bargaining with someone who had a criminal record like Winry's didn't seem like a good idea, but Riza was plaguing the minds of him, his Fuhrer, and from what he heard, Hughes. They all deserved to get to the bottom of things. "I want to see Zolf J. Kimblee and the Sugiyama's put to justice."

* * *

She don't need a thing / She don't need saving or a lay / She's got all her friends around / And you can hear them say/ "He's not into you / He's into the idea of…"

* * *

Hawkeye Estate

* * *

"Fuhrer Roy Mustang, what a pleasant surprise," Shall Sugiyama stated in his elegantly cool tone. Zolf stood behind him with his trademark sadistic smile. 

"Kimbley, aren't you in violation of your parole?" Roy said flatly.

Kimbley chuckled at the statement and at the sight of Roy shirtless on top of his tousled sheets that reeked of cologne. "You'd be surprised what money can buy, Flamer."

"Listen, you two, I don't have time for this shit…"

"Yes, we don't want to disturb your vacation, Fuhrer," Shall interrupted. "We just wanted to visit for a moment after we heard you were here. This is quite a quaint little villa, wouldn't you say? Did you know the Hawkeyes?"

"Quite well," Roy said through his gritted teeth. He wanted nothing more than to snap his fingers together and end that arrogant jack ass Kimbley and his prissy boy counterpart, but he still wasn't sure of what their angle was.

"Well then, if you're so acquainted with these grounds, then I'm sure you've heard the tale of Riza Hawkeye." Shall's words had more than piqued Roy's curiosity. The more he heard her name, the more Roy wanted to plunder every house and shake every person for information he could to get to the bottom of this mystery woman. "Yes, she died quite tragically. The story goes that she was in love with a man who was determined to be fuhrer. She diligently remained at his side until one day they both confessed their love for one another, but in the heat of all the trauma of war, the man refused her. Heartbroken, she returned to the house where they had first fallen in love and committed suicide. Once the man became fuhrer, he was forever haunted by her ghost that followed him, reminding him of all that happened. Until one fateful day, the fuhrer came back to this house, went mad, and killed himself, vowing to return to his love in the next life. So you see, it's a little funny that a fuhrer should find himself here. But I'm sure you don't believe in such things." Roy sat speechless. "Of course, the ghost still haunts the grounds." She couldn't just be an apparition. These memories, they couldn't just be a spirit trying to coax him to an early grave. "Well, I see you're busy, so my colleague and I will take our leave of you. Good day, Fuhrer Mustang." Shall bowed and exited with Kimbley behind him.

"What was all that about, Shall?" Kimbley asked in a hushed voice.

"If the man in charge of the entire government finds out what's been going on, we'll all be in deep water. I told him the story to throw him off the scent. Besides, you should be one to take pleasure in the misery he's about to endure."

* * *

But little do they know that she's not through

* * *

_Eastern Headquarters

* * *

__Roy's head rested comfortably on __Riza's__ breast as he wept uncontrollably. _

_Had she not come entered in the nick of time, Roy wouldn't be alive. The gun was cocked and ready, pressed against his temple, but her screaming was the only that could stop him. They fought for control of the weapon until __Riza__ finally bashed the gun out of his hand against his desk. With his wrists grasped tightly in her hands, __Riza__ began crying. It stung her so many years ago thinking that she would never see him again. Now the thought was face to face with her again. _

_He hated being the cause of her pain. For the second time in his life, his heart was overflowing with conflict. He loved her so damn much, but the only way to prove it was to hurt her. He didn't want to cause her anguish, so he left her, which pained her to no end and ruined their relationship. Now he wanted to spare her ever having to see his cowardice, and here she was staring down his spinelessness._

_When her tears had finally subsided, she pulled Roy inter her arms. Her soft skin brought him back to the moment and out of his darkness. What would have happened if he pulled that trigger? Would he ever have the chance to tell his one true love how he felt? Would he ever get to pick up where he left off with her? Would he ever be in her arms like this again?_

_Her words were what finally brought the strong willed man in his moment of need to tears, "He would have wanted you to live, Roy. He wanted to see you become __fuhrer__. We all do.__ And you can't do that in death!" she shouted._

_Now Roy sat with his head on her chest, his tears soaked up by her black t-shirt, his hair fondled gently by her caressing fingers, and her heart beating delicately in his ear. "__Riza__, I can't do it. He was the one person who ever believed in me after I left you."_

_Usually __Riza__ would dismiss herself or ask Roy to change the subject. She didn't want to have bare the subject again after she was sure that they were over. But he was desperate for human contact, and if her words, her truth, could sooth him, she wouldn't deprive him any longer. "Roy, we all believe. We all want you to be __fuhrer__. Do you think I would have stayed if I didn't believe in you?"_

_"Why, Hawkeye, why do you believe in me? I've never given you any reason to do so. I broke your heart. I know it. I live with it every day. I see your face every day. I know I can never kiss you or hold you the way I once did, and it's my own fault. But you still believe in me? Why?"_

_She placed a light kiss on his head, so light that he could barely tell if it really had been her lips that had graced his head. "It's going to take more than your cowardice to make me stop loving __you, Roy." There had been moments like the time she had caught Roy coming out of the shower where the pair had crossed the lines of love and duty, but they always retreated back before anyone got too emotional. Now, __Riza__ held Roy close to her heart, a place that suited Roy quite well, telling him that she loved him and she hadn't ever stopped. How long had he yearned to hear her say those words __again.__ "We want to see you shine. You deserve it."_

_His tears had finally dammed, but he stayed pressed against her just to confirm he was alive. Hearing her heartbeat somehow reassured him that there was life on this cruel planet that only bred sadness and pain. "It's what would make you happy?"_

_"…Yes."_

_"Then you know that you and I could never…"_

_"…Yes. But I had to tell you. I needed you to know. I'll always protect you. I'll always follow you. And when you forget, I'll always be there to remind you. But I needed you to know why."_

_"__Riza__, I never stopped either."_

_"I know."_

_"But how?"_

_"You're eyes have yet to lie to me. The only reason I __kept myself from telling you was because I thought it would get in the way of you becoming __fuhrer__. But now you have to." _

_She began to get up, but he shifted his weight to keep her pinned. "I promise__ we won't do anything to get us into any trouble. I just don't want to be without you tonight. Just stay here, like this. Let me know that there's something beautiful out there to live for."

* * *

_You can occupy my every sigh / You can rent a space inside my mind / At least until the price becomes too high."

--She Wants Revenge

* * *

HOLY FRIGGEN COW! This chapter was longer than…than…HOLY FRIGGEN COW! Well, I hope this chapter's length made up for my absence. I hope you're all satisfied and curious to see what happens next. Well here's a little preview, Roy will be in the next chapter and so will Riza. Maybe not in the order, maybe not in this life, but definitely in the next chapter somewhere. AND! I will add another royai scene (your choice of citrusy goodness or none at all and we can just have sappy sweetness) specifically for the person who can tell me when volume 15 of the FMA manga comes out. Also, this person will earn my undying respect and love. See you next chappy! 


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